Written by Dungeekin

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

image for England Star Stevens in Drugs Shock
Wait? WTF is that Matty?

England and Bath prop-forward Matt Stevens has been suspended from both club and country duties following his failure of a drugs test.

Stevens, 26, failed a test during Bath's Heineken Cup match with Glasgow. He has admitted taking 'a prohibited substance', but insisted that it was not performance-enhancing.

The problem first came to light at half-time during the match, when Stevens eschewed the traditional oranges in favour of a fat blunt and a bag of Kettle Chips. Subsequently, during the second half, the prop was yellow-carded by the referee for using a bong in the ruck.

Speaking in a hastily-convened Press Conference, Stevens admitted to a problem with 'recreational substances', adding, "It's alright man. I'm cool. I can handle it, it's no biggie, you know? Ooooh, I can see colours coming out of that camera. I'm so mashed, man, off my gourd, y'know?".

Reports that Stevens had tried to score an ounce from the Glasgow full-back were denied by both clubs.

England Coach Martin Johnson was unavailable for comment, as he was tripping off his face and, according to an RFU spokesman, 'wouldn't be coming down for a month'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Drugs, Rugby

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