In a surprise move today the government announced that it will issue compulsory purchase orders for every house and plot of land in the country. The government regards this as simply an expansion of its Heathrow Airport purchase plans.
A spokesperson said "This dramatic plan will at a stroke free the country of all its debts. Every person with a mortgage will receive the market value of their home to be used to pay off the bank loan used to buy it. By doing this each families biggest outgoing loan will be payed off and all the banks will receive huge amounts of cash to free up their loan accounts. After buying all the housing in the land the number of council houses available will be huge and allocations will begin straight away.
Nobody should have to move as these houses will be rented back to the former owners based on the footage of each building. If for example your house costs you £250,000 to buy and its present value is £325,000 that is how much you will receive from the government. From this money you will pay any remaining amount of your mortgage to your bank and any other debts you have such as store cards, credit cards or loans will be required to be payed off as well. After this you may if you choose rent back your property from the government at a fair price based on the square footage the house contains so that if your house has 1,200 square feet you will pay 20% as rent or £240 a month.
As you can see at a stroke virtually all debt will disappear from the land and the banks will receive a massive influx of cash for them to use."
When asked where all this money would be coming from the spokesperson said they would "borrow it from the banks as they would have this huge amount of money coming in from people paying off their mortgages and would be looking for places to lend it. In fact if it works out the way we expect we will carry our plan forward into business and compulsory purchase every company in the land and rent it back to them again in this way protecting jobs and security.
When you think that there are around 30 million houses in England the governments rental income each month will be enormous so any future tax raises should be kept to a minimum and every family will have much more spending power each month so the economy will just boom along again and we will soon pay back our loan from the banks using this income. In short it is a good plan for the country a good plan for the voters and a good plan for the government."
