Kate Winslet, Tara Reid, Javier Bardem & Rob Schneider In Pitof's Steven Spielberg Project
All eyes will be on the very prestigious 2010 Cannes Festival where is set to premiere Pitof's first movie in years "I'm her! She's me!" starring Kate Winslet, Tara Reid, Javier Bardem and Rob Schneider. The movie talks about Aly Dickson (Reid...
Read full storyRon Paul's big bro Les is dead at 94
New York - (RIP Mess): Ron Paul's elder brother the noted guitarist and prospective 2012 vice-presidential partner Les Paul has died at the age of 94. Paul rose to fame with his 'While My Guitar Gently Veeps' Beatles lyrics predicting the 2008 Whi...
Read full storyBargis Tryhol - Agent 004 - Chapter 12 - Bargis goes down, but isn't out!
After fully servicing the skanky serving wench who ran the Bed & Breakfast where Bargis and the Beatles stayed the previous evening, Bargis was contacted by satellite phone by his boss, QM. She told him to head back to Heathrow Airport, meet up with QT, and take the 5:27 p.m. flight directly to the Sanford International Airport in Sanford, Florida. Blowme had been spotted fishing for alligat...
Read full storyBeeb's breakfast show weather Lassie has been told to "Sex it up" otherwise Jordan is ready to "Blow Job" her away!
The Beeb's weather lassie, Scottish prude, Carol Kirkwood has been told by the Beeb GM to either "Sex it up" or take a force 8 gale out of the show and join Songs of Praise on Sundays! Prude Carol dresses like Jaggedone's grandmother who's 95 next...
Read full storyTaxpayers Paying for Wealthy People's Cars in 'Cash for Clunkers' Program
Even Americans who have been driving fuel efficient cars all along will be footing the bill in the government's 'cash for clunkers' program, according to every known source. The government program allows up to $6500 for each gas guzzling vehicle t...
Read full storyTaiwan mudslides are an act of God proclaim Christians and nothing to do with human stupidity, greed and ignorance!
Global Christians are proclaiming GOD (who?) is reponsible for the latest natural disaster to hit Taiwan in the form of a devastating typhoon and avalanches of mud! Not human ignorance, stupidity, greed and profit, no it's just a GODLY interventio...
Read full storyThe Sex Dare Club
Police in New York City say that all the commotion in Central Park yesterday was caused by a young married couple who were members of a young couples only, Sex Dare Club. "They were up in a tree naked and having at it when the limb they were on b...
Read full storyCalifornia Approves Do-It-Yourself Mammograms
SACRAMENTO, California - The California Senate has just approved a bill which would allow female residents of California over the age of 27, the opportunity of performing their very own Mammograms in the privacy of their own home (apartment, condo, o...
Read full storyBernie Madoff Sues Federal Prison For $2Million!
Con artist Bernie Madoff, who has began serving his 150 years in a federal prison in Butner, North Carolina has filed a lawsuit already, claiming his first few meals have ruined his stomach and being in prison instead of being out on bail until his a...
Read full storyDrug Kingpin Arrested At Gay Massage Parlor
MEXICO - Authorities working undercover for the United States' Drug Enforcement Agency have announced that Sinaloa Cartel kingpin Joaquín Guzmán Loera, aka "El Chapo," has been arrested at a homosexual massage parlor outside border town Ciudad Juarez...
Read full storyTaliban Trial
A Shia Court in Afghanistan announced it's ruling, today, in the case of the wife of the Taliban leader Mr Ali Hada Weenie. Records showed that shortly after his wedding Mr Ali Hada Weenie had imposed a sentence of death, by stoning, on his wife...
Read full storyPhoenix Sheriff to Improve Customer Service Ratings
In a surprising but long overdue announcement, Phoenix Sheriff Joe Arapaio has released plans to improve customer satisfaction at his famous jail site. In a monograph with the working title "Criminals are People, Too" the lawman cited a recent brain...
Read full storyAlbert Potter V The Universe
In the high Court, today, a decision was reached in the case of Mr Albert Potter versus The Universe. Mr Justice Fingers, presiding, said that in the light of recent scientific evidence he had no option but to find in favour of Mr Albert Potter.
Read full storyHull City Get Algeria Player Kamel Ghilas
An Algerian footballer called Mr Kamel Ghilas has joined to play for the English Football Premier League team Hull City. The news was reported on Agence France-Presse today. Mr Ghilas is 25 years old and is the first Algerian player to play for Hu...
Read full storyPattaya Man Plays Trick On Ants
A British man living in the Thai eastern seaboard resort of Pattaya, has recounted to anyone who would listen how he was so bored the other day, that he decided to play a little trick on some ants in his apartment. Ants, as everyone knows, like to...
Read full storyCameron refuses to axe Duncan over 'Russians' rant
London - (WTF? Mess): Tory leader David Cameron is shitting bricks after Alan Duncan's rant that Conservative MPs are 'still forced to live off the Russians'. Duncan, 69, spilled the beans about MPs' handouts from notorious Polonium-210 peddling o...
Read full storyObamas wear permanent 'Mission Impossible-style' latex masks
Washington AC/DC - (Rioters): A Hollywood movie mogul paid millions to professional make-up artists to create the latex masks that became the faces of Barack and Michelle Obama. The revelation emerged after White House aides noticed a strong smell...
Read full storyArctic Sea Disappears Under Suspicious Circumstances
BARROWS, AK, USA Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's post-resignation plans became apparent earlier this week when the "Arctic Sea" mysteriously vanished without a trace. Palin was reportedly still irate over many incidents, including having bee...
Read full storyMadoff: Feds probe Opus Dei NY HQ
New York - (Mossad Mess): FBI investigators chasing Bernard Madoff's missing billions are poised to swoop on the Lexington Avenue HQ of notorious crystal meth-peddling satanic paedo cult Opus Dei. The move follows dramatic courtroom plea bargain...
Read full storyMore People Returning as Animals
With the economy in the tank, and bad news mounting up every day, more and more dead people are choosing to be re-incarnated as animals, a study by the United States Census Bureau reports. The study contained in the report. "What Dead People Do",...
Read full storyNoel Gallagher has nervous breakdown after watching Hamlet
Oasis star Noel Gallagher is receiving treatment in hospital for a nervous breakdown after watching a performance of Hamlet at London's Wyndham theatre. Doctors say Gallagher couldn't understand much of what was going on in the play, and he found...
Read full storyOsama bin Laden fails to turn up to collect major competition prize
The 7th International Annual Hamas Anagram competition has been won by Osama Bin Laden. However, in what has become customary for this man of mystery, murder and mayhem, he once again failed to turn up to receive his prize. The ceremony was he...
Read full storyMan With World's Smallest Penis' Wife Says Great In Bed
Penis Minus Wilson (A Pin Name) gets red in the face when his pygmy wife says it but she claims he is wonderful in bed. "We have a great sex life", states Halletta. "Those ladies who laughed at him over the years really missed out." "Penis is...
Read full storyAlaska robber too stupid to live
ANCHORAGE, Alaska - In a true crime story that proves that some crooks are too stupid to live, the FBI arrested Jarell Paul Arnold, 34, of Anchorage after he allegedly robbed a bank after giving the teller his account number, and photo ID. Bank of...
Read full storyFr. Francois' Confessional #08
Dear Fr. Francois: I am a 16-year-old Catholic High School Student from West Bumfuck, Indiana. I guess I am an average looking guy; I don't have a lot of zits, two heads, monkey ears, or six toes on my left foot or anything. I am reasonably fit and play basketball and football for my school. Whatever the reason, I just can't seem to get a date with a girl, any girl. So, I signed up for th...
Read full story2.4. million British unemployed told to 'get elected as MPs' by Norman Tebbit
Lord Tebbit, the former ultra right-wing Cabinet Minister who helped to throw millions of British workers onto the dole in the 1980s, said of the now 2.4 million British unemployed: 'What's wrong with these whingers?' 'If they're out of work, all...
Read full storyAlligator abandoned after sexual tryst
BOUTTE, La. - Terron D. Ingram, 38, of St. Charles Parish, Louisiana, remains in custody following his Friday arrest for, (among other charges) allegedly "being cruel to an alligator, by reason of abandonment." Other charges filed against Ingra...
Read full storyWimbledon curses British Summer
Following on from the terrible summer of 2008, the people of Britain were promised a heat wave for the summer of 2009. With the help of global warming and the shift in the gulf stream, Britain was set to receive record breaking temperatures come the summer months. Everyone was readying the sun cream and cider with ice cubes until the UK Weather office issued a heat warning which initiated the mut...
Read full storyThai food causes Zombism!
BANGCOCK - OK, OK, not all Thai food will turn you into a zombie, but a certain "Dawn of the Dead-esque" fungus is infecting Thai ants, turning them into zombies that the fungi then controls. According to a report published by Harvard University s...
Read full storyAmerica doesn't care where Beckham plays: "Just take both of them Beckhams away!"
AMSTERDAM (AFP) - While David Beckham has pretty much decided against a return to the Premier League, insisting instead he'd rather play for AC Milan when he leaves LA Galaxy at the end of the Major League Soccer season, American soccer fans (al...
Read full storyAustralian computer perverts arrested in Adelaide
ADELAIDE, Australia - An unidentified 20-year-old Australian man has been charged with infecting more than 3,000 computers around the world with the most virulent stain of STD, Ether AIDS. The man, whose name will not be released until he app...
Read full storyGOD gives interview to The Spoof implying world is full of "Power Crazed, greedy Bastards!"
GOD (yes the real GOD, who?) has given an exclusive interview to the Spoof family of writers and readers. Astonished by this call from above (or below!) The Spoof, believing that the whole thing was a sham, decided eventually to send a representative to this astonishing, historical occasion reason being: The Spoof has no boundaries, heavenly or hellish! Anyway, The Spoof ordered Jaggedone and h...
Read full storyWhat's Eating Barack Obama?
WASHINGTON, D.C., USA The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) is a Washington nonprofit that advocates nutrition-policy reform; PCRM is currently paying $20,000 to display several strategically placed copies of a poster with the capt...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Was My Dad, Says Mark Lester
In the strangest twist so far to the strangely-twisting Michael Jackson Kids Saga, former British film star, Mark Lester, has said publicly that he was fathered by the now-dead King of Pop! Initially, it had been thought that Lester, who played Ol...
Read full storyMajor Antonius Julius Argus Xerxes Part-13
o If I say your speech moved tears into my eyes, you do not believe me, because I'm a whore. I thought you were like other men; you rejected my offer; I am glad you did so; I have seen few good men like you; I do respect you, Sir. I have nothing to lose. I do not have any education or skill. The only asset I have had is my dwindling body. I am remorseful. I believe you should kill me, but I do not...
Read full storyLauded Latin Leader Lengthens Lead
SAN JOSE, COSTA RICA Ultra-competitive Costa Rican President Oscar Arias Sanchez, 69, has an impressive list of accomplishments; he has been elected president twice, is a Nobel Peace laureate, has received the Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitari...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Markets: Striptease Pole Dancing Toy Set to Tweens?
Deliverance, Arkansas - Pole dancing is often the only means of upward mobility for trailer park residents, but now with the Miley Cyrus "Pole Dancing Toy Set for Tweens", Hillbillies will finally have a leg up on the competition: inner-city kids fro...
Read full storyJermaine Jackson Announces: "I'm comin out, I'm gonna let it show"
LOS ANGELES - Larry King interviewed Jermaine Jackson for the 35th time in the few short weeks since his brother's passing, but this time he says he's the star. Mr. Jackson appeared giddy and relaxed as King stated "he had his collar up, his pearl...
Read full story