MEXICO - Authorities working undercover for the United States' Drug Enforcement Agency have announced that Sinaloa Cartel kingpin Joaquín Guzmán Loera, aka "El Chapo," has been arrested at a homosexual massage parlor outside border town Ciudad Juarez, Mexico.
"One of our informants followed him to the parlor and we were able to surround the building working along with the Mexican Drug Enforcement officials, it was perfect, he came out the back door with a twenty-something young man, he was zipping up his pants and rubbing the boy's nipples, he proceeded to ask him what shoes to wear with his suit that night, then we went in and got him."
DEA officer Jake Brinks reports, "he is just this fat, short little man, he farted a lot in the Suburban as we transported him to headquarters, he threatened us, he really stunk that car up, he'll be in jail a long time."
