BANGCOCK - OK, OK, not all Thai food will turn you into a zombie, but a certain "Dawn of the Dead-esque" fungus is infecting Thai ants, turning them into zombies that the fungi then controls.
According to a report published by Harvard University scientist David P. Hughes, "The fungus accurately manipulates the infected ants into dying where the parasite prefers to be, by making the ants travel a long way during the last hours of their lives."
TheSpoof.com's Science Faction Editor, BuckWheatsButt (who somehow conned Mark Lowton into paying for him to visit Thailand) reported that he had "personally witnessed long lines of zombie ants trekking through the jungle in search of human corpses to eat."
Apparently, Mr. Butt was, himself, in no danger from the fiends because it is debatable whether or not he is, in fact human.