Wayne Rooney Admits "I Love Harry Potter"
Wayne Rooney has admitted that he loves Harry Potter and wants to play with his magic wand. "He's just so cute. I wish I could have gone to Wizard school and met Harry. I wish I'd never been a footballer. I love Harry." These revelations could fur...
Read full storyBlindin' mate! We're all gonna be Cock-en-ees afore we knows it!
Cor strewth, what a right two and eight squire. That's the way future generations of Britons will be talking if the Government gets its way. For The Spoof.Com can exclusively reveal that from September schools throughout the land are going to repl...
Read full storyThe real truth behind the 'Royal hug' - why the Queen reached out to Michelle.
LONDON - The world media has been driving itself crazy over the Royal hug wondering whether Michelle Obama had broken protocol in hugging the Queen or whether Her Majesty herself had finally turned human deciding to hug someone other than her handbag...
Read full storyObama underlines USA threat
President Barack Obama today urged better use of EU resources, saying that the USA is a greater threat to Europe than al-Qaeda. Speaking at a NATO meeting, he said the US wanted a weaker Europe. However, NATO's general secretary asked: 'Is it like...
Read full storyOsama changes name to Obama
Osama bin Laden has changed his name to Obama bin Laden. A goat herder called Mohammed Mohummed Smith broke the news worldwide when he heard one of Osamas wives call out 'Obama? Oi! Obama? wash your own underpants Im fed up of cleaning your skid mark...
Read full storyKylie "I've Had Bollocks"
Australian Pop Diva Kylie Minute has revealed that she has had Bollocks. The parrot, who starred in the epic 'Below Decks' has been linked with a bevy of beauties but this is the first confirmed relationship. Kylie was smitten with his charm. "How...
Read full storyNew Moon Cancelled!
The New York best seller New Moon my Stephanie Meyer was due to hit screens in November of 2009 but due to the recent fall in the economy the directors are finding it hard to come up with enough money to budget it. Summit Entertainment boss Edmon...
Read full storyAngela Merkel faints at the sight of Barack Obamas Fiscal stimulus package; Europeans anticipate a huge mouthful from the USA
Despite initial fears that the G20 summit in London would degenerate into a 'slugfest' between Europe and America about tighter fiscal control, versus fiscal stimulus, it proved remarkably productive. Angela Merkel the German Chancellor caused concer...
Read full storyBig Brave Taliban Flog Defenseless Woman
Those 'Warriors of Steele', those 'Jihad's of God, those men who are REAL men have once again carved out a great victory for Allah by flogging a defenseless untried young woman in Pakistan. Al Sheik Mohamed Bully Bastard, who handed out the floggi...
Read full storyBush II Sequel Really Bad
Sequels are known to rarely be equal to the original in just about all categories. In rare exceptions, such as the second star wars movie (the REAL second, not the recent prequel) and the second Godfather movie did they equal the opening acts. In...
Read full storySpy 'Intelligence' Agencies Given New Names
Intelligence agencies around the world have been renaming themselves 'Egoist Self-Interest Agencies' which it has been agreed upon is a more accurate term. The use of the term 'Intelligence' infers that an individual or group is acting at the highest...
Read full storyMultiple Identities A Big Problem
The government is concerned about the number of persons suffering from multiple identities. It will make attempting to fix the result of the next election a logistical nightmare. Professor R Usty of the Spoofers Research Institute said "This is a...
Read full storyUK civil war breaks out between Sainsbury's and Tesco
War broke today in Britain, as the huge forces of Sainsbury's and Tesco clashed in battles in Sheffield and London, and skirmishes also broke out across the United Kingdom in towns and even in villages. 'We could not tolerate Tesco's threat any lo...
Read full storyBerbatov Out With Mood Injury
Manchester United have been rocked just hours before their Sunday clash with Aston Villa after striker Dimitar Berbatov was ruled out for two weeks with a mood injury. The sullen Bulgarian star suffered the problem in the 2-0 defeat at Fulham two...
Read full storyN. Korea rocket launch fails, catastrophy
SEOUL - Fire engulfs the landscape, as Korean firefighters struggle to put out the blaze caused by the apparently faulty rocket design leading to the explosion. There is much speculation as to what could have caused the rocket to explode, officia...
Read full storyParents Apologise For Giving Son 'Stupid' Name
A man's parents today publicly apologised for giving him a stupid name. Mr and Mrs Oliver apologised to their son, Jamie for making his life a misery. "If we had only known that the name Jamie Oliver was going to make people so sick we would never ha...
Read full storyNew "House" Grading System Revolutionizing Public Education
Amid the wreckage left behind by the "No Child Left Behind" legacy of the Bush administration a new system of educational accountability is gaining national recognition. The goal is a simple one: replace the confusing system of dozens of differe...
Read full storyLeaders hail G20 a success
Leaders of the world's largest economies have reached an agreement to tackle the global financial crisis with measures worth $1 trillion. This includes a $750 billion fiscal stimulus package in the form of additional expenses available to UK MPs. F...
Read full storyPakistan to rename Rawalpindi to "Isi-al-paki" to reflect its sovereignty
ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN: The Pakistani Minister of Dis-Information has just gone before the international media saying: "We have decided to rename RAWALPINDI. Henceforth it will be known as ISI-AL-PAK-I" Media reporters fatigued by G20 news clamoured...
Read full storyFlogging video is 'harmless S&M porn' say Taleban
Swat Valley, Pakistan - (Ritually Sordid Ass Mess): A depraved video showing moronic Afghani men flogging a 17 year old girl was branded 'harmless S&M porn' by Taleban warlords today. The footage was immediately posted on a wholesome radical f...
Read full storyRussell Brand Caught On Camera At G20
Details are emerging that Russell Brand was caught on camera at the G20 demonstrations in London yesterday. Brand, who resigned his post at the BBC following the Manuelgate scandal was spotted by a TV news crew and asked to comment on what was hap...
Read full storyDave Pundit sues BBC
The BBC are been to be taken to court by the former Liverpool midfielder turned internet pundit, Dave Pundit. The 606 legend, recently banned by the 606 moderators is known across football forums for his witty and sometimes controversial predicti...
Read full storyGeorgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie awarded Ofcom's £150,000 lewd Beeb phone calls fine
London - (Andrews Sachs Saga Mess): Russell Brand's ex-zits squeeze Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie is laughing all the way to the sperm bank this weekend. She has just trousered the entire £150,000 Ofcom fine imposed on the BBC for its lewd and...
Read full storyTaliban fear 'Muslim plot' - refuse vaccines to children as new diseases become rampant in North Pakistan
TALIBAN-A-BAD, ISLAMISTAN: In this newly declared nation located in what was once a picturesque Northern Pakistan resort all that remains is a mass of rubble. Here, the Taliban ride shotgun, dispensing a perverted form of Islamic justice - having r...
Read full storySecret G20 Questionnaire discovered by BBC!
BBC Newsnight presenter Jerome Pacman has revealed, on-air, that the G20 summit has been a complete waste of taxpayers money. A document found on a photocopier at the Excel venue has been confirmed by Downing Street to be the sum total of the weeks events. The document is a questionnaire filled out by all 20 heads of state and comprises of only one question with 3 multiple choice answer as foll...
Read full storyDeadly new Email Virus
New Virus Warning - Please beware of the Monica Lewinsky Virus, it sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did. If you receive such an e-mail (subject line of "Bill, Blows-jobs and Me, by Monica Lewinsky)" delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. It contains the most dangerous e-mail virus to date. Even more deadly than the TITANIC virus - an early more...
Read full storyAfghan Women Get Bum Deal Again
Afghan President Karzai has shocked the world, especially the female half of it with a series of laws designed to win the support of the shia population of the beleaguered country. Under the new laws, paedophilia will be allowed, as girls will be...
Read full storyThe Top 22 Chain Groceries That Have Already Gone Belly-Up In 2009!
22. Krugers 21. Mom & Pups 20. Ned Beatty's Piggly Wiggly 19. Name It, Claim It (Free Gas With Every Product) 18. Fruitcake World 17. BRAINS!!...BRAINS!! 16. Ron's Meat Beaters (You Can't Beat Ron's Meat) 15. Hannibal's Imitation Sushi Bargains 14. Larry's Lost Labels Discount 13. Everything Tastes Like Chicken! 12. Food Lien 11. Uncle Hairy's Grocery With Ind...
Read full storyOne year on, Kate Adie askes "Has Helmand Province benefitted from being a National Park"?
Exactly 12 months after the United Nations granted National Park status to the Helmand Province in Afghanistan, our famous war correspondent Dame Kate Adie returns to find out if the ordinary Taliban Terrorist on the street has seen any improvements...
Read full storyWhy Madonna Should Adopt Me
(New York-NY) Allow me to step out from behind my "Wizard of Oz" like curtain of news parody, gentle reader. (And I mean "reader" literally judging from my weekly page views.) And allow me to address one reader in particular, Madonna Louise Ciccone. (Yes, the contradiction is not lost on me that in the same paragraph I claim an anemic readership I also claim that one of the most influential, not t...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton - MI5 knew about my torture
Lewis Hamilton claimed today that MI5 were well aware that he was being tortured by Formula One officials. The star, who cheated his way to third place in the Australian Grand Prix, told how investigators must have been tipped off. Speaking today...
Read full storyQueen's irritation with Berlusconi on YouTube
Thousands of people have been watching the video clip on YouTube which shows the Queen getting annoyed with Berlusconi's antics while they are waiting to have a photo taken at the G20 Summit. Berlusconi is seen holding up his hand as 'bunny ears'...
Read full storyShearer - I Wouldn't Employ Him Says Garage Boss
As Geordies everywhere welcomed the appointment of 'Messiah,' 'Saviour,' 'Holy Moses,' 'Winston Churchill,' etc ad nauseum of Alan 'God Jesus And All The Saints' Shearer as temporary manager of Newcastle United in a desperate last ditch bid to a...
Read full storyCheat Lewis Hamilton in drug shame
Lewis Hamilton, lying cheat, has been caught up in another cheating storm. It is believed that the FIA are looking into allegations that he injected the illegal substance Nandrolone... into his McLaren. The drug Nandrolone, used widely by stars li...
Read full storyObama Enters Paris Hilton!
As the Presidential cavalcade arrived in France, disturbing reports of a severe error of judgement by the US president have been filtering in. According to our reporter - Renne Arse, Barrack Obama asked his top aid (Deaf Toni) if he could have a q...
Read full storyWe are not amused
The Queen was clearly irritated by the noisy Italian Leader Mr Berlusconi yesterday at the G20 summit. Her Majesty posed for photographs with world leaders whilst Berlusconi was singing opera and offering ice cream to passers by. Berlusconi is kn...
Read full storyNew Archbishop: "Homosexuality Not A Sin"
In a startling interview given exclusively to The Diary of A Geek, newly appointed Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols has openly supported homosexuality. In his first interview since his promotion by Pope Adolf Von Benedict XVI, the Archbis...
Read full storyShearer hits Bullseye with the Toon!
Alan Shearer has given up spending afternoons in the bookies to take on the uphill struggle that will be keeping this once great team in the Premiership. "I'm ever so happy", mumbled the eloquent Geordie beaming his winning smile at the assembled...
Read full storyBritish PM Brown does a handstand for G20
In scenes rarely seen in geo-political circles, UK Prime minister Gordon Brown, host of the G20 nations summit in London's Docklands, has performed a handstand in front of the other 30 heads of state gathered for the important talk fest. It was w...
Read full storyBanned from Walmart
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart: Dea...
Read full storyFull E3 2009 content leaked
PSP 2, Nintendo DSI software, cancelled PS3 games back on track, PS3 firmware 3.0, Alan Wake, Duke Nukem forever and much more leaked. A 478 page document that provides details of everything that will be shown at E3 between June 2nd-4th has leaked onto the Internet and the best bits are shown here. The biggest news from the Sony section is that, unsurprisingly, the PSP 2 is real. The cons...
Read full storyPortsmouth man berated and crestfallen as discovery of Atlantis is overlooked: "I sent him out for m
I got a bit sidetracked during a mundane shopping trip to Southsea and found myself on the pier for a bit of mackerel fishing. I get a bite and wind in the line only to discover a priceless, ancient Greek, bronze, artefact snagged on the end. Some sort of ceremonial vessel I think. This goes on for about an hour; I cast off, a few minutes later I am gutted to find another Greek wonder dangling...
Read full storyHow to Make Your Own Penis Sheath
Can't find, or can't afford a penis sheath? Follow these simple steps to make your own. All you need are a few tools, some string and a gourd. Gather your materials and find a clean, well lit area in which to work. This can get messy and you don't want to upset the missus...yet. Finding a gourd: You can always grow your own gourds for use as penis sheaths, but why wait? Trundle on down to the...
Read full storyGuess who paid $16 million for an antique chastity belt!
A Renaissance chastity belt went on the auction block at Sotheby's in New York City last night and the winning bid was $16,500,000. This has set a new record for antique chastity belts. The contraption, made of bronze with gold inlay and encrus...
Read full storyBBC Correspondent Nick Robinson Missing
Police in London have launched a massive search for BBC Political Correspondent Nick Robinson, who has been missing since the end of the London G20 Summit. Robinson, bald, was last seen submitting yet another sycophantic Blog post on the BBC websi...
Read full storyLahore terrorists identified
ISI the world famous secret agency and terror consultancy firm of Pakistan has claimed that it has identified the source behind recent routine attacks on its soil. It claims the terrorists were trained in India with assistance from US and UK.
Read full storyPresident Obama's Overseas Trip Raises $3 Million
DUBLIN, Ireland - President Obama's overseas trip has so far received over $3 million in donations. Government representatives are quick to point out that the trip was not meant as a "Telethon-On-Wheels" but like Secretary of Agriculture Willie N...
Read full storyQueen Cuddles with Hot Young Thang from Da Colonies
The age old belief that the British royalty is colder than the Thames in January has been challenged by footage of US First Lady Michelle "Guns" Obama and Queen Elizabeth caught in a clinch. The very Queen who banished Tony Blair's dame and relegated...
Read full storyBlagojevich in Disney Land
Fed up with with what he calls Illinois' version of a Mickey Mouse court, ex-Governor Rod Blagojevich grabbed the wife and kids and headed to the real Disneyland after hearing a rumor that the the seat for governorship of Walt Disney's theme park was...
Read full storyG20 Summit - The Winners
The world's media, which attended the G20 Summit in London, generally agree that the big winners were the developing nations and the IMF. The rich countries agreed to fund the IMF up to 1 trillion dollars which sounds like a lot of money, however, wi...
Read full storyBarack Grabs Merkel's Rack at G-20
Just when George Bush was imprisoned in Texas for life and Angela Merkel thought it was safe to go out into the waters of the international conferences, she was ambushed by the new American President. No unwanted chauvinist back rub this... Barack we...
Read full storyCar Dealer-in-Chief Sells America Sugar under Coating
Since Barack Obama has taken over the US auto industry, his usually eloquent speechifying has turned into the gross vernacular of the car sales business. "Have I got a deal for you! Take a look! Take a Look!" have become the common parlance of th...
Read full storyUnderground Culture of illegal Beta fish Fighting in Ghettoes, Slums
When a famous football player was accused of illegal dog fighting, authorities were already aware of the underlying dog fighting culture in many hoods and ghettoes. Public awareness has helped put the underground dog fighting industry under control.
Read full storyMadonna to adopt Sean Wright Phillips
Reports coming from Manchester appear to support the rumour that Madonna plans to adopt another small orphan from another war torn and divided city. Manchester based solicitors for the multi millionairess popstar, 'Madferit, Avit and Skrike' have...
Read full storyNo Nudes Is Good Nudes
London, United Kingdom of Eastern Europe - Sir Cliff Maxford, PR guru to the rich, famous, and recently deceased has released an appeal to the general public to stop submitting nude pictures of nude celebrities, be they A Listers, or Z Listers. "I...
Read full storyEngland to change "three lions" badge
In a farcical attempt to steal more money from fans, the FA have decided to change the iconic three lions badge. Instead of the three lions, there will be a tiger, a cheetah and a leopard. All whom are vicious enemies of the lions. Disgusting. A c...
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