Written by Dungeekin

Friday, 3 April 2009

image for New Archbishop: "Homosexuality Not A Sin"

In a startling interview given exclusively to The Diary of A Geek, newly appointed Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols has openly supported homosexuality.

In his first interview since his promotion by Pope Adolf Von Benedict XVI, the Archbishop admitted that in some cases, homosexuality could not be deemed a sin and would not be punishable by Hell, Purgatory or any other form of eternal damnation.

Nichols, 63, will be the new leader of the Holy Roman Catholic Reich in England and Wales, and his remarks indicate a split from traditional Catholic dogma.

His Archbishopness said, "clearly, in almost all cases contraception and homosexuality are cardinal sins - especially homosexuality. For is it not written that a man shall not lie with a man as a woman? I think it is. Somewhere, anyway. But where was I...oh, yes. BUT, it's OK if the homosexual concerned is a Catholic priest, because God knows that he'll be guilty about it all the time, so by his repentance will he be saved and all that. Unless he uses a condom. That's right out, obviously, because it's two cardinal sins in one buggery. It's bareback or burn, if you know what I mean".

The Archbishop has also announced new posts to be created within the Diocese of Westminster, including a team of specially-trained Catamites under his own tutelage. Jonathan King is also joining the Archbishops' team as Choirmaster.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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