Written by The Blunt Pencil

Friday, 3 April 2009

image for One year on, Kate Adie askes "Has Helmand Province benefitted from being a National Park"?
Kate meets local resident Mr Bin Laden for a Homes & Gardens Photo shoot

Exactly 12 months after the United Nations granted National Park status to the Helmand Province in Afghanistan, our famous war correspondent Dame Kate Adie returns to find out if the ordinary Taliban Terrorist on the street has seen any improvements in their daily lives.

Kate met up with Mustaf Bin Fukinmad a village elder, judge, jury and executioner, and asked him what changes he as seen in the past year? "Well Kate, to be honest, we're all a bit pissed off" he said over a mint tea and a slice of Victoria Sandwich, "you see, the price of caves has gone through the roof, people are moving in from the cities with their Barbours suicide vests and 4x4s. Our kids are unable to buy property here now, they just take their semtex and detonators and go-off all over the world".

Next Kate met up with Arthur Al Jihad, a leading member of The General & Municipal Suicide Bombers and Exploding Boiler Makers Union, he had further bad news to tell, "The thing is Kate", he said...to ...Kate, "We can't afford these Barbours waxed suicide jackets, so we are having to get our bombers into cheap exploding Y-fronts instead, this makes it difficult to collect union subs, as our members are scattered all over the place.

By the end of her tour of Helmand, Kate had established there was hardly anyone who cared much for living in a National Park, she summed up the general feeling by quoting a mother of 4 suicide bombers who said "we are no longer able to live here anymore because so much has changed, my boys were so upset they left home in pieces over it"!

Dame Kate Adie OBE has started many wars in her journalistic career and we shall be looking at her latest book "How to cause trouble and get paid to report it" in The Spoof Literary supplement next month.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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