Cor strewth, what a right two and eight squire. That's the way future generations of Britons will be talking if the Government gets its way.
For The Spoof.Com can exclusively reveal that from September schools throughout the land are going to replace I.T. lessons with Cockney Patter. Straight up sahn, would we lie to you?
Minister for Rabbit, Ernie Oldiron told us:
"It's proper blindin' an thet. All the kids is gonna be speakin' Cockney, even if they are from Birmingham. The Queen Mum, Gawd bless 'er, woulda been proper proud of this initiative. She'd a been well pleased if she could see thet she didn't go rhend the East End after the blitz for naffink!"
But opposition leader and bandwagon jumper, David Cameron, is said to be "a tad put ait" by these developments. However Mr Oldiron is unrepentant in his plans.
"If old toffee nose don't like it then he can fack off up the frog an' toad. Bleedin' Muppet"
And in a surprise move this evening, popular entertainer and Pearly King, Dick Van Dyke, has been installed as the bookies favourite to succeed Boris Johnson as Lord Mayor of London.
