Written by Jay T. Jennings

Friday, 3 April 2009

image for New "House" Grading System Revolutionizing Public Education
'09 valedictorian contemplating her future career

Amid the wreckage left behind by the "No Child Left Behind" legacy of the Bush administration a new system of educational accountability is gaining national recognition.

The goal is a simple one: replace the confusing system of dozens of different standardized tests that are used now with a national across-the-board labeling system of student achievement.

Known simply as the "House" System, named after the curmudgeonly character Gregory House of the eponymous television medical series, it reduces the process of student evaluation to one basic step. At the end of the grading period each teacher simply enters the student's name into the "House" system.

Automatically a "YOU'RE AN IDIOT" message is entered into the system. This assertion can be accessed by any institution including colleges, universities, the military, and all McDonald's franchises thus eliminating many costly redundancies.

Experts in both the business and academic worlds praise this new system as being both more accurate than the old "grading" system and a tremendous morale booster for educators at all levels.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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