Religious Scholar Avoids Schism
London UK: At the eleventh hour for the Anglican church, a new hero has been found for the Liberals who has single handedly halted the potential disaster of all out schism. Religious scholar and theologian The very Reverend Clarence Minceright has...
Read full storyEclipse of Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch falls at end of Ramadan
London - (9/11 Mess): Hellfire Club numerology buffs have spotted a dire black hole in the UK's Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch's fate. It is centred on the traditional end of Ramadan holiday of Eid El Fitr on October 1st which many years of zodiac study...
Read full storyChinese Switch to Other Milk Sources in Dairy Scare
The Chinese have switched to other sources of milk due to recent contamination problems and deaths in the nation's dairy supplies. Alternative ways to obtain calcium and other needed nutrients are being explored to keep the Oriental babies from...
Read full storyWall St numerologists discover new 700 billion digit prime number
Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Go-Figure! Mess): City digit crunchers have discovered the world's biggest ever prime number after adding up the square roots of every known Wall Street balance sheet scam and multiplying it by the total of Manhattan ATM c...
Read full story"Chinese Democracy will be a country album" says Axl Rose
Malibu, Ca. (Rooterz) - Axl Rose confirms that the long awaited Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy will be a country album. It was reported earlier this year that the album would be a bluegrass album, but plans changed after the story broke. "W...
Read full storyPelosi and Frank Show Their Ass to Taxpayers: It's Butt Ugly!
Washington, DC/ Washington Post - Just when American Taxpayers thought they had seen it all, Democratic Leadership in Congress Mooned them in one of the most Cheeky displays of unadulterated hubris in political history, not seen since Frank showed h...
Read full storyHannah Montana Sues Miley Cyrus
Los Angeles (Rooterz) - In a shocking announcement today Hannah Montana tells reporters that she is suing Miley Cyrus for poking her in the eyes and breaking her cool new cell phone while on a recent tour. The incident happened after Montana (15)...
Read full storyO.J. Simpson Found Not Guilty Once Again
Las Vegas NV-- O.J. Simpson was found not guilty of all armed robbery charges today. The shocking decision was reached by the jury after only one hour of deliberation. O.J. was all smiles as he walked out of the courtroom with his attorney, Mr. Fish.
Read full storyNewcastle United Nigerian Sale Latest
The Nigerian consortium hoping to buy Newcastle United has told TheSpoof.com it is serious about its bid, and has already highlighted several improvements it would like to make to the ailing Tyneside club. The man fronting the bid, a UK-based busi...
Read full storySarah Palin admits to Almost Winning the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes
Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin, who has championed herself as an opponent of "good old boy" politics and abuses of the system, was recently uncovered as "having come close to winning the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes" several times.
Read full storyBenitez to learn English
In what seems to be a bizarre attempt by him to appear more appealing to the English Public, Rafael Benitez has finally decided to learn the English language. The change in heart came after the Everton game whereby Benitez claimed to not understa...
Read full storyDead man confirmed dead
In a shock twist, a man who was pronounced dead has been confirmed to be dead. The dead man's family had hoped the man would come back to life, perhaps witnessing him on TV after 8 years, or suddenly find him to have lost his memory and appear at a p...
Read full storyWales Named & Shamed as Fattest Britain, Again
Wales has once again retained its crown as the fattest country in the UK after being named and shamed by the National Health Service. According to the latest NHS survey, five of the six fat hot spots in Britain are Welsh. Only the Shetland Island...
Read full storyDustin Hoffman to star as Michael Jordan in biographical film
It has been announced that veteran actor Dustin Hoffman, 62, will play Michael Jordan, in the legendary basketball player's biographical film. White Dustin Hoffman, who stands at 5ft 5in, was seen as a ridiculous appointment purely due to his hai...
Read full storyAircraft Demolision Derby Sunday
X-treme sports seem to be all the rage in the new millennium and the aircraft community is jumping on the bandwagon. Sunday, at Los Angeles International Airport, runway 3 West will be the site of the first annual "Aircraft Demolition Derby." Par...
Read full storyBruce Springsteen To Perform At 2009 Super Bowl
NEW YORK CITY - NBC has just announced that Bruce Springsteen will perform at the 2009 Super Bowl Halftime Show in Tampa, Florida. Dallas Cowboys' quarterback Tony Romo told a Texas Stadium usher that when his girlfriend Jessica Simpson found out...
Read full storyHow The UK Won The Eurovision Song Contest
Terry Wogan : "Hello Is that Sean?, It's Terry here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I have given up hosting the Eurovision Song Contest, everyone hates us, and the BBC think we should get a Hollywood Legend to provide a little Glitz and Glamour, are you interested?". Sean Connery : "You want me to sit, in a booth, listening to Boom-Bang-A Lang for Four Fucking Hours? Are y...
Read full storyBradford and Bingley change business direction and move out of finance sector
In an effort to ride the financial storm, the Bradford and Bingley Building Society has decided to change direction. From tomorrow, the building society will no longer have anything to do with savings, finance or buildings and is moving into sell...
Read full storyMcCain Team Demands Eleventh-hour Concessions in VP Debate
Representatives from John McCain's campaign have given the Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD) a list of demands related to the debate scheduled for this Thursday evening. Democrats angrily responded by claiming the maneuver was a blatant at...
Read full storyPalin Opens Up Before St. Louis Debate!
VP Debate Bulletin - Sen. Joe Biden from Delaware and Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska, the vice presidential nominees of the Democratic and Republican parties, respectively, will debate each other at 8 p.m. (CDT) on October 2 in Washington University's St...
Read full storyChinese Prepare For 'Wok' Capsule Re-entry
The success of the recent Chinese astronauts in coming back to earth unscathed, has buried the real tragedy that is to follow: Not long after the launch of the astronauts, the Chinese also launched another space rocket which was topped with a wok...
Read full storyCoke and Bush's Baked Bean Recipes Stolen
Following a rash of corporate impropriety reports from the financial sector in recent weeks, the spotlight had been removed from other forms of corporate crime taking place in the food and beverage industry. Closely guarded secrets for decades, C...
Read full storyGoogle to Integrate All Public Records
Winning its bid to sole source the integration of all public and private images, webcams, text, websites and video for NATO countries, Google is now the single provider of all indexed electronic content to the free world. The project will be the fir...
Read full storyUncle Sam Has a Heart Attack
Wall Street Journal, September, 2008: Our favorite Uncle Sam suffered a Coronary heart attack this week. He was immediately rushed to the emergency room at Washington DC General Hospital. Dr. Bush the resident emergency room physician diagnosed th...
Read full storyTainted Chinese Milk Found in Cheese in Toasted Sandwiches
Tainted Chinese milk products containing melamine may have been used in the manufacture of cheese for toasted sandwiches sold in Great Britain. The World Health Organization, an arm of the United Nations, is demanding a recall of all affected produc...
Read full storyRon Paul Finally Concedes Republican Nomination
Texas Congressman Ron Paul finally conceded the Republican Nomination to Senator John McCain, six weeks after his party's national convention. Paul was the first man to enter the race and is apparently also the last to leave. Even when McCain sec...
Read full storyUS Bailout to Stop Beggars from White House Doorstep
On the face of it, the White House sponsored bail out of sunken Bank bad debts is legitimate. However, the real reason is that Presidential staff do not want family and friends knocking on the front door, disheveled in appearance and pleading for a h...
Read full storyKissinger, Gates & Buffet named as the 'Real KGB' behind Wall Street turmoil
Off-the-Wall-Street, NYC - (Ass Mess): "It's all in the initials!" FBI cryptographers commented today about their suspicions that Henry Kissinger, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet may well be the 'Real KGB' behind recent Wall Street turmoil. The topno...
Read full storyTories ready to dump sinister snarling superior stooge
Birmingham - (Ass Mess): Tory Party faithful are primed to dump Viscunt (sic) Astor's sinister stepson-in-law stooge and back civil liberties hotshot David Davis. The move follows a massive row about David Cameron's pubic schmoozing of Barack Obam...
Read full storyCouncil Tax Abolished!
After months of terrible news, financial disasters, housing and employment crises and an increase in gun and knife crime, there was a fantastic surprise today for everyone living in Britain when the hated Council Tax was abolished. The bolt out of...
Read full storyMan dies of Pedantry
A Man has died in the small village of Washington Smythe, for being Pedantic. The chap was too interested in little details and being right all of the time, that a number of his friends formed a firing squad. Andy Pandy, a friend of the unnamed ma...
Read full storyIncredible Hulk to be banned from Buses
Dr David Banner, the man who becomes the Incredible Hulk when he is angry will soon be seeing red, or green in his case, for a number of bus companies have now banned him from travelling with them. Speaking to us, Alex Kingshot from Northolt Bus C...
Read full storyPanpipes Play Metallica at Number 3 in the Charts
A Panpipe CD of the hits of Metallica is currently sitting pretty at number 3 in the charts. This shows a nadir in the health of the country's record buying habits, for this is normally the type of music that people complain about in Supermarkets.
Read full storyCharlie Boorman's new series - From London to Regency England by any means
Following the success of his various TV programmes, both with and without Ewan 'Put it away' McGregor, the BBC have green-lit his latest TV show, From London to Regency England by Any Means. In it, the intrepid grower of beards and rider of vehicl...
Read full storyPolar Bears migrate to New York and Alaska - Eat Sarah Palin
Polar Bears, the cute cuddly bears of Coca Cola Christmas Campaigns, and the visual accompaniment to a voice over by David Attenborough are said to be settling in New York and Alaska. An upturn to this is that a number of them have shown an intere...
Read full storyNew Voice-Over Artiste to be Joe Pasquale
Following the death of the man famed as the voice at the beginning of film trailers, we can exclusively reveal that his replacement is none other than the squeaky voiced TV star, Joe Pasquale. The award winning funnyman, and friend to the stars (T...
Read full storyTerry Wogan's Greatest Hits of Radio 2 talking over the songs released
A new album is set to be released for the Christmas Market, which features BBC Radio 2's playlist, with DJ Terry Wogan speaking during the introduction, during the guitar solo, and sometimes only playing a 30 second snippet of songs, before dropping...
Read full storyHamilton Stripped of Podium Position
News From Singapore - Lewis Hamilton has sensationally been stripped of his podium position following a post-race investigation Stewards have decided that Hamilton breached FIA regulations by overtaking in the dark. In an interview with the BBC, t...
Read full storyNew high-speed rail link for Heathrow
A new high-speed rail link is being installed in Heathrow to help take the pressure off intercity flights and add a more 'green' aspect to air travel. The "Heathrow high-speed rail link" as it will be called, will operate between Terminal 1 and Te...
Read full story"Project Runway" Renamed "Project Find-the-Runway"
Will the new season of the hit TV show Project Runway be on the Bravo network or will it move to Lifetime? No one knows for sure at this point. A New York judge, however, has granted an injunction preventing the move to Lifetime for now. Some...
Read full storyBrad & Angelina split
George Clooney was smiling broadly on the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival, and looking, as always, sauve. The secret to his joy is not his nomination for a dramatic performance in his latest movie, but for his bedroom antics with Brad Pitt.
Read full storyDear Paraphernalia4YourGenitalia: Does Size, I mean, Presidential Size, Really, Really Matter?
Dear P4YG, I am a mature (let's be honest) an elderly white man who finds himself in a rivalry that he has dreaded all of his white life. Raised in a multi generational macho military family, I was always taught the importance of "size" and the fear that white dominance would be overshadowed by the frightening superiority of the African penile enhancing gene. Now, I am literally fighting...
Read full storyMcCain Insists That Three Inches is Really Significant!
White man John McCain has reportedly been living in fear of facing a black opponent due to his old fashioned belief in the superior physical endowment of men of African descent. This may account for his rather bizarre insistence in the first debate t...
Read full storyRepub Candie McPatton Tries to Swagger through First Debate Aboard Tank with Pearl Handled Revolvers!
When Repub Prez candie John McCain could not duck the first debate, after a note from his mother was identified as a fraud, he showed up in a tank as psychopath and Four Star General George Patton doing a bad impersonation of George C Scott! McPa...
Read full storyTransport Planes Arrive for America's First Born!
To set the scene, we have a country in economic disarray, a Presidential election and predictions of another even Greater Depression. Enter the Bush administration seasoned by its mismanagement of a terror attack on US soil (during which President Bu...
Read full storyScientific studies reveal that liberal and conservative tendencies are hard wired in subjects.
Scientific analysis of studies of prominent political figures conducted over twenty years representing liberal and conservative philosophies and coincidentally Democrat and Republican tendencies. Obvious genetic, physical and intellectual charact...
Read full storyBush plans on financing bailout by selling Oregon, Vermont
Washington President Bush today managed to grab for himself part of the media attention surrounding the tentative bi-partisan agreement on the so-called bailout plan by explaining to the gathered Washington press corps just how he intends to finance...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com: Most Trusted News Source; Jon Stewart Pissed
Move over Jon Stewart. The latest polling data shows that TheSpoof.com is now America's most trusted source for news. Back in the 1970s, CBS anchor Walter Cronkite was known as "the most trusted man in America." He closed his newscasts with a trad...
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