Most Trusted News Source; Jon Stewart Pissed

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Monday, 29 September 2008

image for Most Trusted News Source; Jon Stewart Pissed
Jon Stewart aged after hearing the poll results.

Move over Jon Stewart. The latest polling data shows that is now America's most trusted source for news.

Back in the 1970s, CBS anchor Walter Cronkite was known as "the most trusted man in America." He closed his newscasts with a trademark line, "and that's the way it is."

After Cronkite retired, America shifted around. The people had a hard time settling on someone to trust for news. Bill Cosby wasn't on TV enough. Katie Couric was only on in the morning. Bob Schieffer had a funny name.

Then along came Jon Stewart and the Daily Show on Comedy Central. Suddenly the US had someone to focus on who they knew they could trust. Someone who understood them. Someone who lied openly to them and admitted he was lying while he was doing it.

Over time, Stewart got stale. He became full of himself, and starting trying to be truthful, but he didn't have it in him. And it wasn't what his audience really wanted. He lost his status.

This past Thursday a new poll by Lowton Associates reported that, a Web 2.01a venture, is now the most trusted source in America. was trusted by 22.222% of those surveyed, edging out Stewart who was in a 7-way second-place tie with 11.111%.

Man-on-the-street interviews back up the results. A gentleman named Monkey Woods said that he trusts spoof news: "You know they're full of crap. They know it too. That makes 'em trustworthy." Another man, NickFun, agreed: "Look, I'm just sick of these bastards claiming they know it all. On, you know they're blithering idiots just trying, desperately, to be funny. They don't get there, but you appreciate the effort sometimes."

Others in the poll results tied with Stewart include Spoof arch-rival The Onion, Ron Paul, Hillary Clinton, Rush Limbaugh, Peter North, and Paris Hilton.

A spokesman for Jon Stewart claimed that the polling methods were unscientific and biased. Lowton Associates responded briskly: "This is just another example of Jon Stewart using the truth, and that's why he's lost it. Of course the poll is a biased pile of rot. But it's funny. That's what people like about us."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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