The Chinese have switched to other sources of milk due to recent contamination problems and deaths in the nation's dairy supplies.
Alternative ways to obtain calcium and other needed nutrients are being explored to keep the Oriental babies from starving and the thriving ice cream and cheese businesses from shutting down.
Li Lee Le, spokesman for the People's National Dairy Board offered the following statement in a press conference:
"We are saddened with the loss of so many of our nation's babys and the National Women's Olympic Gymnastics team. We must at this point, however, move on and find new ways to get milk products.
"The first alternative to cows were the Chinese women themselves. Unfortunately, there are some issues here.
"First, our women are too small to wear the milking machines.
"Second, they do not like eating hay.
"Third, you've seen the breasts on our women. They are not large like the capitalistic pig western women, so they do not produce much milk.
"Fourth, with our current birth restrictions, not enough women are lactating naturally (and we are afraid to bring the process on chemically).
"Fifth, if we took our women to the milking centers twice a day for the process, who would cook our meals, work in our factories, and harvest rice all day long?
"We are looking at importing women from tribal African nations. Pictures from National Georgraphic Magazine show us that they always have large, hanging milk breasts and have dozens of children, so they are always lactating.
"We figure that our people can drink chocolate milk until after this crisis is averted."
