UFO from Oz Buzzes Air Force One Over Kansas
(Kansas City KS) A small flying saucer briefly chased Air Force One above the skies of Kansas this afternoon. The UFO was shaped like a golden ball and tailed the president's plane until it was shot down by an F-16. The president was unhurt and s...
Read full storySoccer Starlet Ronaldo Supports Male Cross Dresser Prostitute Charity
Brazilian soccer phenom Ronaldo has launched his own personal charity to support the plight of male transvestite prostitutes in Rio.
Read full storyDrogba Reveals Near-Death Experiences
A week after lashing out at Rafa Benitez on his claims that -"Drogba cannot remain on his feet for more than 20 seconds", there has been a remarkable revelation by the Chelsea striker who wants to go play for Milan.
Read full storyKentucky Derby Opens Dog Food Company
One of the grandest social events surrounding sport, southern gentility and pie-eyed patrons adrift in a sea of mint julep has taken a surprising turn for the pragmatic.
Read full storyMan chews off his own Penis rather than have Sex with his Best Friends Sister's Cousin
Chinese man Lu Zer took drastic steps to avoid having to indulge in sexual adventures with his best friends sister's cousin after a surprise double date went horribly wrong.
Read full storyOguama For A day!
Obama pulled off a squeaker on the South pacific isle of Guam by beating Hillary Clinton by 7 votes.
Read full storyHillary Clinton speaks to dead people
Hillary Clinton channels the spirits of the worlds greatest liars and even Eleanor Roosevelt for inspiration in her campaign stump speeches.
Read full storyBarack O promises Americans the BIG O "When we all come together"
FORT WAYNE, INDIANA: On the eve of the big Indiana primary, Barack Obama rolled up his sleeves, slapped on roller blades, presented his daughters to the crowds and exhorted his supporters to vote for him, because "I am...
Read full storyNever Get A Date With These 3 Hairstyles.
Expert psychologists from Boston's Behavioral Signalization Institute of Hair Science have finished a 3 year long study involving 500 people that tests what affect hairstyles and beards have on their validity and taken seriousness out in the real...
Read full storyBush To Seek A Third Term
In a surprising move, President George W. Bush today announced he was standing for a third term in the forthcoming elections.
Read full storyNew Iraq Charity Football Cup
{Dateline: anno Hegirae, 4 Jumada al-awwal 1429} Iraq's PM, Nouri al Maliki & a major religious leader, Muqtada al Sadr, have announced a compromise which will lead to massive unification within the war-torn, battle-weary natio...
Read full storyPope May Not Accept Invitation To Visit Northern Ireland
A decision will be taken soon as to whether the Pope will not or will not visit Northern Ireland later this year. His spokesman, Father Federico Mafioso, said that Mr. Ratzinger's non-visit had been carefully discussed in the Vatican, and some ha...
Read full storyRecords show that Austrian incest nutter comes from Fucking
Amstetten - (Ass Mess): Parish records indicate that Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl originally came from Fucking.
Read full storyBoris Fancies "Shagging For England"
New London Mayor Boris Johnson has caused a major furore by stating that his first priority will be to lobby for sexual athletics to become an Olympic sport in time for the 2012 games.
Read full storyT-Shirt Sparks Outrage From Sissy Bikers
Sonny Jotnose, a Sophomore at Barstow High School in California, was expelled for wearing a T-shirt on Friday. Superintendent of Schools, Ms. Rhoida Hemerra said the shirt's message was offensive.
Read full story"Hooray Henley" as Boris Re-writes Congestion Charge Rules
In an abrupt slap in the face for the environmental lobby, new London Mayor Boris Johnson has announced sweeping changes to the Congestion Charge which will see owners of gas guzzling 4x4's actually receive payment for driving in...
Read full storyEmu pushed Parky too far?
Conspiracy theorist and purveyors of paranoia are in for a treat, in a soon to be released autobiography by theatrical agent and Corgi registered plumber, Norman Savage. It is to reveal the true nature of the events surrounding the death of light ent...
Read full storySecret Opus Dei midwife suspected in Austrian incest nutter case
Amstetten, Austria - (Reuterus): Police are probing reports that a mysterious Opus Dei midwife attended the birth of all seven of Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl's chidlren's dungeon births.
Read full storyNot So Gay Lesbians to Take Court Action
Greece's third biggest island, Lesbos, has 100,000 people living on it; plus another 250,000 expatriates who claim that their human rights are violated when the term 'Lesbian' has been given international dominance in i...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus: morning sickness or bulimia?
Orlando, Fla - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Shrugging off pregnancy rumors and a doctor's prescription for antispasmodics Miley Cyrus defied her critics by performing without throwing up once at Orlando's Epcot Center on Saturday.
Read full storyVoters to blame for Labour's poor election performance
It has been revealed that the main reason for Labour faring so badly in the recent local elections was because so many people voted for candidates other than Labour.
Read full storyLabour seeks UK taxpayers ideas for raising more tax
A relaxed Gordon Brown, fresh and positive after Labour's worst election defeat in decades, has called on the public for more ideas on how to raise even more tax.
Read full storyBoris Johnson Biscuits
Following Boris Johnson's recent win in the Majoral race for London, a Torquay biscuit maker is re-launching dog biscuits that it originally started making last August.
Read full storyGod can be a moody bastard, claims Wife
Edna God - the little heard-of wife of divine entity and ruler of the Universe God- has spoken publicly about their relationship in an interview with a women's magazine.
Read full storySatire Journalist Dies of Spontaneous Human Combustion
Semi-funny satire journalist Gene Mason has died of spontaneous human combustion at the age of 49 following what is believed to have been a massive marijuana overdose, according to police experts.
Read full storyCover-up Uncovered: Osama bin Laden Hiding in North Pole
The Bush administration has known for the last eighteen months that Osama bin Laden has been hiding out in the North Pole. The NY Times, through the Freedom of Information Act, has reviewed a truckload of minutes, memos, and e-mails indicating that...
Read full storyWhere there's Muck, there's Money!
Would you believe it? A man actually bought a load of crap at Bonhams auction house in New York for $960 (£486).
Read full storyPlausible Deniability Official Policy
A White house spokesperson who wishes to remain anonymous with close ties to Washington and Pentagon Official, said he does not wish to reveal his sources at this time.
Read full storyMadness gone Mad
A coach company have been warned regarding false advertising when passenger Massimo Totti took the company to court.
Read full storyHe ain't heavy, he's my Millionaire Cousin
TV and Radio star, Ted Robbins has amazingly made it through 24 hours without mentioning once that he is Paul McCartney's cousin.
Read full storyJewell in the Frown
Rock bottom Premiership strugglers Derby County have been dealt a massive blow with the Premiership taking steps to dock them points, thought to be in the region of 15 as a result of them being so bad this season.
Read full storyMy Heart belongs to Glasgow
Glasgow Rangers fixture congestion 'nightmare' has resulted in them actually only having a 24 hour break between the end of this one and the start of the 2008/2009 season.
Read full storyMan who kills 11 train commuters in failed suicide attempt fights death penalty
Los Angeles, California - Almost two years ago, in the early morning hours, Samuel Rodriguez, decided to take his life by parking his Jeep Grand Cherokee on the railroad tracks.
Read full storyThe Serial Adventures of Don Colliquixote - Part 1: "Court Reporter Goes Postal"
Cursor clenched in his teeth, he wades fearlessly into the teaming mass of wretched adjectives and adverbiage, slashing indiscriminately at the naked and seething slime of redundant modifiers that cling pitifully to his feet, laying waste to meaningless metaphors and confused similes like so many redundant pixels on the beach of time immemorial. Eyes wide with fervor of mission, he pauses and...
Read full storyChina Slams US on Human Rights
BEIJING, CHINA - China has come down hard on the US, claiming that the superpower continues to commit brutal global human rights violations, all while the international community stands idly by.
Read full storyPlumbers Find Turtle Heads Clogging Toilet
Something is really polluting the water in Florida. According to Reefer-Rooter plumbers Harry Curler and Ted Touchingcloth, over 50% of the homes they visit to do some type of work or another, they find turtle heads clogging the toilets.
Read full storyBoxing Machine Ends Fun For Fighters?
Hungarian engineer and inventor Alex Barabas Ph.D. unveiled his new "Boxing Machine" this morning at the US Sports Equipment Convention in Anaheim California. Dr. Barabas stated: "Quite frankly, making the sport more fair was...
Read full storyGovernment Clampdown on Kinky Sex Backfires
Gordon Brown appeared to be on the verge of being forced into another embarrassing policy U-turn this morning after Whitehall was brought to a standstill as thousands of S&M devotees protested outside Downing Street, insisting they be immediately pun...
Read full story'Nookyaler' To Be Put In Dictionaries And Encyclopedias.
Psychiatric researchers hit a brick wall long ago on the subject of the befuddled mind of grit-eating half-wit George W. Bush and what makes it not tick. It's difficult to analyze what is left of a mind besotted by fear, superstition, illiteracy,...
Read full storyCity Seeks Restraining Order To Keep Bush From Leaving in 2009
Washington D.C., capitol city of The United States of America, has filed paperwork to receive a restraining order against George W. Bush. The order seeks to keep the President from leaving the city in January of 2009, after the inauguration of his r...
Read full storyJohnson to Abolish London
Newly elected London mayor Boris Johnson yesterday announced his intention to abolish the city of London "in it's entirety."...
Read full storyBig 'Gordon' Brown wins Kentucky Derby
Big 'Gordon' Brown today won the Kentucky with a blistering display of moving quickly round a bit of grass.
Read full storyBush offended by journalist question
George Bush today criticised a journalist for asking him a question that he did not have a scripted answer for.
Read full storyGay man unable to lisp
Confirmed Bachelor Sidney Aldridge from Weston Super Mare has been excluded from the gay community due to his inability to lisp.
Read full storyJust in time for Cinco de Mayo, Texas executions become #1 tourist draw
In Texas, the leading death-penalty and concealed carry state in the US, choice Huntsville vacation slots are quickly snapped up by shoppers looking for something a little different for their Cinco de Mayo celebration.
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