'Nookyaler' To Be Put In Dictionaries And Encyclopedias.

Written by David Hawkins

Sunday, 4 May 2008

image for 'Nookyaler' To Be Put In Dictionaries And Encyclopedias.
Nookyaler Terris have rewritten my Sonnets!

Psychiatric researchers hit a brick wall long ago on the subject of the befuddled mind of grit-eating half-wit George W. Bush and what makes it not tick. It's difficult to analyze what is left of a mind besotted by fear, superstition, illiteracy, and degenerate genetics.

Researchers at the M.O.R.O.N. Clinic in Braindead Massachusetts have been asking questions about our "nookyaler" problem with the head Neo-Con mobster. A myriad of theories have been emerging. Does Dubya butcher the word nuclear with "nookyaler" simply because of his long-term alcohol and drug induced speech impediment? Is he trying to find out who will actually confront him about it? If he had a big giant wad of snot hanging off his big ugly beak would anyone want to approach him and tell him about it or would they let him look even more like a buffoon than he already does? Is this embarrassingly retarded word simply some sort of twisted trick his demented brainwashed mind thinks he is playing on the world?

According to the Norm Crosby Poll, just a few weeks ago the common consensus was that nobody that can get near enough to the paranoid President can find the courage to tell him "nookyaler" isn't a word.

After the President issued his ten thousandth ridiculous executive order last week, the real reason he refuses to pronounce the word nuclear properly has gone from being a complete mystery to becoming even a bigger mystery. One thing for certain is that he will never back down. He's going to stay the course. No matter how stupid it is. The "stay the course" modus operandi looks to become his biggest legacy. Staying his course of insanity has dragged the United States down from a so-called "Super Power" to more of a "Stupid Power." Will we soon see "STUPID POWER" t-shirts and bumper stickers?

Executive Order 13513 decrees in part that the non-word "nookyaler" must be added to every dictionary published in the world from now on. All encyclopedias must have nuclear changed to "nookyaler". Wherever the word nuclear is published it will have to be changed. Anyone caught using the word nuclear or even thinking about saying nuclear or even thinking how stupid it sounds to say "nookyaler" will be whisked away and never heard from again. All spell checker software must be reprogrammed to omit the real word and put in the Bushism. Other laws hidden in the 35,000 page document that Congress voted on unanimously without reading include one making Bush King of the world and another commanding that all of his shoes with laces be thrown away and replaced with shoes with velcro fasteners instead. Gee Dub will be hiring a person to create a commission that has the duty of finding someone to teach him how to fasten the velcro on his new shoes and another person to shred all documents that eluded to him not being able to tie his shoes.

One may wonder down what slippery slope we are sliding. If a leader this Orwellian takes it upon himself to make up words and demands their usage in place of real words, can we not be far from him picking out our clothes in the morning and micromanaging our entire existence?

In the old days we'd have some heads on pikes, some people run out of town on planks, and a good bollocksing would be in order. Today we are too scared to say "Hey! You monkey-eared bonehead! There's a big slimy green snot-cheezer on your lip, your shirt is on inside out, your eyes are way too close together for anything to fit inside there, and your obese, subhuman, Stepford mother dresses you funny. By the way, it's N.U.C.L.E.A.R. Stupid."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more