U.S. Supreme Court Lifts State Smoking Bans
In a unanimous decision, the United States Supreme Court has voted to reverse all public smoking bans that have been instated throughout the nation.
Read full storyMaria Sharapova tells Qatari fans about St Valentine's Day sexual fantasies
Doha, Qatar - (Cute Little Ass Mess): In her first pre-Qatar Women's Open Championship interview uninhibited blonde Russian tennis superstar Maria Sharapova has spoken frankly about love, romance and the appetites that drive her as she works out...
Read full storyArchbishop of Canterbury praises Scientology to raise funds for new roof
The Archbishop of Canterbury has made another controversial statement, saying that we all have a lot to learn from the Church of Scientology. "I believe the media give this organisation a hard time, and it is only a matter of time before its cen...
Read full storyCoast Guard Plan Backfires: Grand Haven as a Target Proves Costly Mistake
WASHINGTON, DC. - Coast Guard Commandant Admiral Thad Allen announced today that the plan to scarf up congressional earmarks was slightly misguided and very costly.
Read full storyDiana met with Michael Jackson on fateful night inquest told
London - (Royal Fetid Ass Mess): Princess Diana secretly met with singer Michael Jackson just before the fatal car crash on the night of 31 August 1997 a coroner's court heard today.
Read full storyJohn McCain names Senator Donie Cassidy as Vice President. Jeb Bush inconsolable.
The Republican party presidential hopeful John McCain has stunned the American electorate by formally nominating Irish Fianna Fail Senator Donie Cassidy as his VP.
Read full storyRay Mears meets Diet Doctors
BBCs rotund survival expert, Ray Mears is reported to have been approached by channel 4 to make a special series "Ray Mears meets the Diet Doctors"...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse performs her runaway hit "Rehab" while in Rehab for the Grammys
Hollywood, California - Amy Winehouse's voice and lifestyle is a throwback to the old days when Black Jazz musicians were screwed by white music producers out of their royalties. Arrested and jailed for their drug addition, even allowed to die, i...
Read full storySt Valentine's Day: expect a massacre cops tell Pretender
New Scotland Yard - (Treasonous Mess): A St Valentine's Day massacre is how cops have described an apocalyptic plan to finally rid the civilised world of the KGB worm masquerading as the heir presumptive to the Puppet Throne.
Read full storyKeegan Donates Kidney to Disabled Fan
Newcastle Utd, one of the biggest football clubs in the world ever to have suffered such disappointment in a Premier League season, have been buoyed by the selflessness of their manager, the Right Reverend Kevin Keegan.
Read full storyGoogle and Yahoo in bidding war over website TheSpoof.com
After a week of battles and negotiations, Internet giants Google, Inc and Yahoo Inc intensified their bidding war over the popular website TheSpoof.com this afternoon.
Read full storyPope Benedict Possessed by Gary Glitter
Pope Benedict - who recently returned to the Catholic Church after earlier resigning in disgrace after the Jesus-gate scandal - has now claimed to be possessed by the demonic spirit of Glam Rock naug...
Read full storySordid Arabia bans St Valentine's
Riyadh, Sordid Arabia - (Sad Ass Mess): Sordid Thought Police forces have threatened anybody selling red roses, tacky greetings cards and other St Valentine's paraphernalia with a 100 lash public flogging after claiming it would incite and deprav...
Read full storyUK Suffers Sunniest Day Ever
Hospitals across the UK were inundated with cases of barbecue food poisoning and alcohol related illnesses after Britain suffered the worst day of unmitigated sunshine ever with 6.2 hours of, quite literally, sunshine being recorded in the London are...
Read full storyPoltergeist activitiy blamed as Curse of Camden claims new catastrophe
Camden Town - (Rioters): Superstitious Camden Town locals are blaming poltergeist activity on the weekend's arson that destroyed the livelihoods of over 100 North London drug dealers. And many think the curse has continued to rampage unabated af...
Read full storyU.S. troops gearing up for war in East Timor
President George W. Bush reportedly signed an executive order to send troops to Dili, East Timor after gunmen wounded that country's president, Jose Ramos-Horta, however, U.S. government officials were red-faced in meekly admitting they didn'...
Read full storyRoy Scheider Dies In Frenzied Shark Attack
Roy Scheider, the Oscar-nominated actor, has died after being involved in a frenzied shark attack, it has been rumoured. He was 75.
Read full storyVe Vant YOUR Blood!
Jesus was the first to do it! He set an example for us all to follow - he gave his blood as an atoning sacrifice. Blood has many uses and although we shall never be call...
Read full storyJohn McCain Picks Larry Craig for VP
Augusta, Maine (IPP) - John McCain has picked gay Congressman Larry Craig to be his running mate. Larry Craig was arrested a few months ago for soliciting another man for prostitution in a public restroom. John McCain's second choice is former...
Read full storyDid Hill Do Mitt for 5 Million?
BOSTON, MA - The current campaigns for the nominees to the Republican and Democratic parties has had plenty of twists and intrigues. It remains to be seen whether the latest story making the rounds of diners, water coolers, Tupperware parties, and th...
Read full storyEngland Fantasy Football Team Red Hot Favourites To The Win European Cup
Due to their superior technique and training at Fantasy Football the England Team are red hot favourites to win their first trophy for forty two years. Yes Forty Two Years.
Read full storyGeorge Bush to meet Osama Bin Laden at Geneva Peace Conference
Sky News has reported that apparently Osama Bin Laden has been trying to arrange a Tete-a-Tete with Dubya in Geneva next month as the Al Qaeda Leader is in Switzerland having a meeting with his Bank Manager.
Read full storyBush Calls McCain a "true Loony Tunes Liberal Neoconservative"
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- John McCain is a "true loony-tunes liberal neoconservative" President Bush says, revealing the confusion and divisions in Republican ranks towards the presidential nominee.
Read full storyFans urge Beatles to come back to life
Now that half the Beatles are dead [the wrong half, according to some] fans of the once popular British band have been forced to revise their decades-old plea that the "Fab Four" reunite. Now, the Beatles are increasingly being urged to rea...
Read full storyDear Paraphernalia4your Genitalia, Where have you been?!
Dear P4YG, My love life has gone to shit since you left us readers high and dry for months on end!...
Read full storyManga Bible and Da Vinci Code's Dan Brown Launch New Project
The Manga Bible is sweeping the world with its action packed condensation of the Greatest Story ever Told. With no room for boring sermons like the one on the mount in Matthew, manga graphics bring the boring old good book to life.
Read full storyBush Traumatic Shock Syndrome - Cure found
People who have been recently diagnosed as suffering from Bush Traumatic Shock Syndrome (BTSS), may soon be able to relax as a cure has been found for the disgusting ailment.
Read full storyBush Traumatic Shock Disorder - The Search For A Cure
Mid-Twenty-somethings suffering from post traumatic stress disorder without any traumatic event in their lives led Dr CT Cobb to do a little math. Seventeen is the common age of political awakening and over the past 7 years these wretches have only k...
Read full story'Bush Traumatic Shock Disorder Plagues Mid-20 somethings
Psychologists have been studying Post-Traumatic Shock Syndrome now for decades. Suffers lose sleep and apetite. They self-medicate and often have flashbacks. They have trouble keeping marriages and jobs and their ailment is tough to treat.
Read full storyCarina-eta Wins Nobel Prize in Literature
Carina-eta, the Persian-born, Rhodesian-raised and North British-residing novelist whose deeply sentimental writing has swept across continents and reflects her engagement with the social and political issues of her time, won the 2008 Nobel Prize in...
Read full storyCuba Space Monkey Hijacks Iranian Space Rocket
Tehran, Iran (IPP) - Cubans awoke this morning to the heart breaking news that their beloved space monkey astronaut stole a Russian Mig and flew it to Iran. The Cubans had been training the space monkey so it could pilot a Cuban rocket in their firs...
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