Amy Winehouse performs her runaway hit "Rehab" while in Rehab for the Grammys

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Monday, 11 February 2008

image for Amy Winehouse performs her runaway hit "Rehab" while in Rehab for the Grammys
Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" is a hit at the Grammy Awards; her self-destructive behavior applauded or exploited?

Hollywood, California - Amy Winehouse's voice and lifestyle is a throwback to the old days when Black Jazz musicians were screwed by white music producers out of their royalties. Arrested and jailed for their drug addition, even allowed to die, instead of treated for it before Rehab. Sadly, little has changed. Today's unscrupulous music producers just shifted tactics from ripping them off and walking away to passively standing by, watching their artists go champagne supernova and capitalizing on the dead artist's legacy afterwards.

"We call it making money from the back end of the deal rather than the front," said a music producer.

What that means simply is that some unscrupulous music producers make more money in the long run if the artists takes a swan dive early in their brief musical career rather than crashing and burning out along the way as record sales begin to sharply decline because their targeted market group has out grown them.

"You see, if they die young and particularly tragic, they can appeal to generations of sexually frustrated rebellious tween and teenaged youth," said a music producer. "All in desperate need of pimple cream, dandruff shampoo, underarm deodorant and breath mints."

Winehouse, showing no sign of slowing down, is not expected to disappoint her producers or her fans for generations to come, say music industry insiders.

"If she continues to avoid Rehab by singing about it instead, I expect she will keep her appointment with the angel of death as scheduled," said a drug rehabilitation counselor.

"It's really not the music producers fault," said an industry insider defending the practice. "Very few artists age gracefully well. And most just…Well, most just don't have the talent that Madonna has to constantly reinvent themselves. But that trick is getting old, even for her."

Industry insiders foresee Amy Winehouse going out in the tradition of a Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendrix or Paul McCartney (just play the album backwards) to name a few.

"All followed the live fast, die young lifestyle philosophy, and continue to make millions for their producers and record labels to this day from the afterlife," said a music industry critic.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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