Tehran, Iran (IPP) - Cubans awoke this morning to the heart breaking news that their beloved space monkey astronaut stole a Russian Mig and flew it to Iran. The Cubans had been training the space monkey so it could pilot a Cuban rocket in their first attempt to reach space.
The monkey had been trained to fly Mig jets and also a space capsule. Every time the monkey successfully performed a task aboard the jet or the space capsule it was rewarded with a banana flavored pellet. The monkey had become flawless in its ability to fly complicated aircraft.
The monkey's name is Fidelito Raulito Castro and was named for Cuba's two maximum leaders.
Fidelito knew that his guards would drink themselves into oblivion every Saturday night. He waited for them to get wasted and boarded the Mig-22 which was outfitted with extra fuel tanks mounted under the wings of the Russian jet.
He flew the jet at supersonic speed across the ocean and bailed out over the Iranian space center. The clever primate waited for evening prayers to commence and then boarded the Iranian rocket's space capsule.
Iran entered the space race recently and is using a North Korean variant of a Russian SS-N-23 SLBM. The rocket is called the Nodong1 which means Noshit1 when translated into English. The Russians call it the Shitl Space Rocket and the Iranians have named it the Badhash-3. All of the names seem to revolve around good or bad shit.
The monkey initiated the launch ignition sequence and the rocket lifted off without a hitch. During the ascent the monkey took a tour of the rocket booster and discovered that the rocket was powered by a modified slurpy machine bought at a 7-11 surplus equipment auction. The monkey relayed this information to American Naval units in the Persian Gulf via morse code.
The monkey became distraught upon discovering that there were no banana flavored pellets aboard the space craft and initiated the space capsule's retro rocket system and his capsule was picked up by C130 aircraft that used a sky hook system to retrieve the capsule as it parachuted back to Earth near the Great Salt Flats.
The monkey used morse code again to ask for political asylum from the United States. Cuba and Iran have both filed formal protests and are demanding that the primate be returned to their countries where no doubt he would face a lengthy prison sentence or maybe even be executed.
