Roy Scheider Dies In Frenzied Shark Attack

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 11 February 2008


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"You're gonna need a bigger boat"

Roy Scheider, the Oscar-nominated actor, has died after being involved in a frenzied shark attack, it has been rumoured. He was 75.

The actor is said to have been overcome by an inflatable plastic swimming aid whilst relaxing in the pool at his home in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Scheider, a former small town police chief, was nominated in the 'Best Supporting Actor' category in 1972, and in the 'Best Actor' category in 1979, but was best-remembered for his role in the 1975 orthodontic blockbuster, Jaws, in which he played a dentist. His affinity for 'medical' roles was also displayed when he starred as a doctor in Marathon Man.

In a glittering 40-year career which involved working as a security guard at French Connection, and as a technologically-advanced prototype helicopter pilot, he was never far from the limelight, but admitted that he was never keen on all that jazz.

Mr Scheider always looked on the brighter side of life and once said to friends:

"I hope some smart-ass makes a tribute joke out of my death."

One did.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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