Bush Calls McCain a "true Loony Tunes Liberal Neoconservative"

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Monday, 11 February 2008

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The Bush clone

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- John McCain is a "true loony-tunes liberal neoconservative" President Bush says, revealing the confusion and divisions in Republican ranks towards the presidential nominee.

McCain "is in the pocket of our big defense contractors, also in the pocket of Israel, and he wants to have American soldiers die in Iraq and Iran for the next 100 years to grab their oil," Bush said in an interview for Fox News Sunday. "McCain will allow terrorist incidents just like I did and start new wars to destroy more humanity and make the rich richer just like I did."

"McCain is an economic and fiscal moron just like I am too. He believes my fantastic tax cuts for rich Republicans ought to be permanent and the middle class should continue to be shafted."

When asked about criticism of McCain by conservative nutcase commentators Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, the president said, "I think that McCain has been spotted as a kind of big-spending fruitcake Democrat by those conservative carnival barkers who know the real score, although they are just as screwed up and the rest of the conservative crowd."

On the economy, Bush agreed: "I think the experts will tell you we are in a recession, and my mickey-mouse economic stimulus package won't help things at all. Under my watch, the US dollar is going down the drain as our debts mount into the trillions and hyperinflation takes hold and our jobs go overseas under free trade. McCain will see that this continues."

On the illegality and immorality of waterboarding and other US techniques used to torture freedom fighters and US citizens: "Whatever we have done was illegal, and whatever decision I will make will be reviewed by my nazis in our Justice Department to rubber stamp my decisions."

On the long-term US occupation of Iraq: "We will be there for a helluva long time thanks to our puppets in the Iraqi government and Israeli pressure. We now have permanent bases. We will stay until we wring the last drop of oil out of Iraq for Exxon Mobil and other fine US corporations, and until the profits of Halliburton and other Republican firms reach the trillions."

On targeting anyone by tapping phone calls and e-mails of people inside the US: "It's been a fun time for me because I love to trample the civil liberties of the American people and the US Constitution more than anybody else does, even more than Richard Nixon did."

On Bush's legacy: "As far as history goes and all of these quotes about people trying to guess what the history of the Bush administration is going to be, you know, I take great comfort in knowing that they don't know what they are talking about, you know, just like I don't know wtf is going on either, because history takes a long time for us to reach, history is a long ways away. I always flunked out in history, but you can rest assured that I will be known as the cretinous monkey of the White House forever and ever, but then you know so will John McCain if the American people are stupid enough to elect another moron like us again."

--Copyright Felix MinderBinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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