Gary Litter sues newspapers
A man from Hertfordshire is suing the newspapers for making his life a misery both at work and in his local neighbourhood. Gary Litter, who lives in Hertfordshire, is being hounded and suppressed by some quite illiterate readers of the Sun and Da...
Read full storyShilpa Shetty blames Jade Goody's 'landfill site' vagina for medical woes
Mumbai - (Tasteless Crap Mess): Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty has hinted that 'having a vagina like a landfill site' is more likely than bad karma to be responsible for Celebrity Big Racist ranter Jade Goody's medical woes. The Big Boss star tol...
Read full storyPelosi needs a good Drilling
(USA Today) - Nancy Pelosi says to "just say NO" to drilling. Former President Bill Clinton replied "maybe a good drilling will make her a little less tense". Nancy Pelosi stands by her stance to not hold a vote on offshore drilling stating "this...
Read full storyFriday's Sun in Virgo spells oblivion for Hellfire Club deception
Cosmos - (Satanic Mess): Thursday's magnificent Sun/Pluto trine and Mercury/Venus conjunction is the perfect smokescreen to foil the monstrous self confidence of Hellfire Club mobsters like UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown. That is the celestial pre...
Read full storyThe power of music
A new device has been recently tested that scientists believe will make Britian's streets a safer place. The invention in question is already a hit with OAPs who have had the use of it for two months. "Absolutely brilliant, the yobs flee like c...
Read full storyMel Gibson plans "The Passion" sequel
Bollywood CA - In a frank interview today, Mel Gibson admitted that he had not read the whole Bible when he made his hit film "The Passion" The 2004 film, which consisted of Jesus being beaten up in a garden, then a Temple, after that a Roman cour...
Read full storyLies, damned lies and Chinese Olympic finance whoppers
NATO HQ, Brussels - (Hoo Flung Dung Mess): Official: Mystery oil tycoons paid for Beijing Olympics. And NATO bigwigs have told Beijing's self-etiolating Olympic Committee eunuchs the shit will now hit the fan about just who paid for those 2008 Game...
Read full storyTheremins used in Mind Control Experiment
Unconfirmed reports out of the Pentagon suggest the harmless musical instrument the Theremin is secretly being used in scary mind control experiments led by the US government. The link was discovered when Maggie Bleriot from Toronto, Canada tried...
Read full storyBabe 3 - "Piggy in the Middle" - set to smash box office
Hollywood CA - Following the success of 'Babe' and 'Babe 2- Pig in the City', Steven Sielberg announced today that his Dreamworks Company has bought the rights for a third fim: 'Babe 3 - Piggy in the middle'. In the third episode of the pork franc...
Read full storyHoodies to learn the Bagpipes
In a bid to crack down on the wearing of Hoodies, Government officials are to make teenagers learn the bagpipes. It is believed that the wearing of Hoodies would stop if this was the case. Hoodie's who liked the sound of Bagpipes would find a natu...
Read full storyStrictly TV
Following the expose of the art of conducting, BBC TV has now launched a new programme for the Autumn Schedule, called Strictly Rocket Science. The show, which is to be hosted by Vernon Kay and Su Pollard features a number of little known celebrit...
Read full storyChristiano Ronaldo Breaks A Finger Nail
The news came out today from Man Utd physio Emma Roid that the Portugese cry baby Christiano Ronaldo has broken a finger nail and will be unavailable for the remainder of the season to recover. When he was interviewed today he didn't talk he just sho...
Read full storyMichael Schumacher becomes White Van Man and sees Red!
Former ex-Formula 1 ace, Michael Schumacher has managed to find new employment as a Courier driver in Ashford in Kent. Used to driving at high speeds, the German thought it would be the ideal job for him with the bonus that he would have a big white...
Read full storyCountdown Conundrum
Auditions are now underway for a replacement for Carol Vorderman, erstwhile presenter of Student favourite, Countdown. The shortlist is now of actress and the voice of Penny Crayon, Su Pollard, star of 'Most Probably not actually haunted' Yvette F...
Read full storyFederer Blames Gavin Rossdale For Loss Of Form
Roger Federer has blamed his recent decline in form on Bush singer Gavin Rossdale, in an astonishing interview with Swiss newspaper Cheese & Cuckoo Clocks daily. Federer, who has lost the number one spot to Nadal, stated that Rossdale was '...
Read full storyRadcliffe is Fit
Actor, Daniel Radcliffe is representing Great Britain in the Beijing Olympics later this week. Since appearing in a play, 'Equus' where he appeared as a nude stableboy, Radcliffe, was chased by hundred of teenage fans and found a new challenge. The 2...
Read full story"I'm not a lesbian!" claims ancient Welsh Queen
Cardiff, UK - Children in the Welsh capital of Cardiff claim that they have contacted the long-dead wife of King Offa through a ouija board. 'Offa's Dyke' was an ancient Welsh fortification similar to Hadrian's wall. In 2002, noted Oxford Professo...
Read full storyVampire Convention In Denver Next Week
Denver CO-- Vampires will meet in Denver next week for their own national convention. The vamps meet once every fifty years to make policy changes and elect new leaders. There should be no interference with the Democratic Convention. Buffy Legosi...
Read full storyParis Hilton: The Day I Found Out Gary Glitter Is My Dad
Los Angeles - (Lurid Ass Mess): Pointless socialite Paris Hilton has spoken for the first time today about her shock at finding out that 'glamrock' (oh, per-leeze!) singer Gary Glitter is her birth father. An LA FagHagSlagMag interview recounts ho...
Read full storyCanadian Singer Admits Partial Responsibility For Man's Suicide
Canadian singer, poet and novelist Lenny Coburg has admitted partial responsibility for a man's suicide in Delaware last week. The man, as yet, still unnamed, was found dead last Saturday hanging by his testicles from a coat hook, say police, afte...
Read full storyE-Bay sold on E-Bay
In a bizarre twist, E-Bay owners put their website up for sale on their own website under "Businesses for Sale". The reserve price of $5 billion was soon met with bids by microsoft, applemac and Amazon. However, the winning bid was made by Bloombe...
Read full storyGary Glitter Flees To Hong Kong For Olympic Equestrian Final
Gary Glitter, the world's most famous paedophile, flew fleeing into Hong Kong today for Thursday's Olympic Equestrian Individual Jumping final. The ex-popstar left jail in Vietnam on Tuesday, and flew to Thailand to see his fans there, but was ref...
Read full storyPaul McCartney to marry Yoko Ono
Sir Paul McCartney announced today that he is to marry childhood sweetheart Yoko Ono, widow of his former songwriting and sparring partner John Lennon. "Few people know this but Yoko's Japanese family used to run our local Chinese takeaway when I...
Read full storyAled Jones converts to Islam
Cardiff, Welsh Wales - Former choirboy turned screeching singer Aled Jones has converted to Islam and will now be known as Ahmed Jones. He said at a press conference that he wished to follow in the footsteps of his childhood hero Cat Stevens, now kno...
Read full storyAlgeria Is Going To Sell Sand To UK
Algeria is going to sell a lot of its sand to the UK which is getting higher and higher sea levels. Its so high that it will soon be under water! Global Warming is a thing caused by humans. Its the climate changing and weather changing. The world...
Read full storyUsain Bolt Falls Over, Still Wins In 200m Final
Usain Bolt, the Jamaican 'quick man', had a setback in todays' 200m sprint final when he fell over, but still won, breaking the World Record in the process. Terminator Bolt flew out of the blocks, but stumbled, and shattered into a million tiny pi...
Read full storyBlackburn to sign the entire Liverpool team of 2001
The announcement that Paul Ince had signed veteran Robbie Fowler for Blackburn indicated the conclusion of the first part in the wily manager's faultless plan: to sign the entire Liverpool team of 2001. The entire team, including players such as...
Read full storyCindy McCain: "I'm buying the presidency for John's birthday."
Phoenix, AZ - Cindy McCain, wife of Republican presidential candidate John McCain, told a group of reporters that she is going to buy the presidency of the United States as a gift for John's seventy-second birthday. "I know it's what he really wan...
Read full storyRowling to Write Potter Series Spin-Off
Harry Potter author JK Rowling recently confirmed the internet rumors that she was writing a series spinoff. "Harry Potter and the Slacker Sibs," the first in a new series about the wizard's midlife crisis and confrontations with the increasingly rad...
Read full storyGDI Monday's Restaurants to Launch Nationwide
In an effort to expand its product offerings in a slumping economy the TGI Friday's restaurant chain is launching a new chain GDI Monday's. GDI Monday's will focus on breakfast entries, especially highly caffeinated coffees and breakfast foods overdo...
Read full storyNew Yorker Obama Cover a Hit with Racists and Xenophobes
Weeks after the release of New Yorker's now infamous "Obama" cover, depicting the candidate and his wife as terrorists, the image continues to be the file most often downloaded by radical right wingers, militia groups, the KKK and fundamentalist Chri...
Read full storySpielberg signs deal for Gary Glitter story
Hollywood US - Movie Mogul Steven Spielberg announced today that he has signed a deal to make a film of Gary Glitter's latest escapade. "I was watching the news last night and saw the story about this Glitter Guy being stuck in an airport termina...
Read full storyFat people to power giant hamster wheels
HEALTH and energy chiefs have unveiled a plan to make fat people power turbines by forcing them to run in giant hamster wheels. Government research teams from the Department of Health and the Department of Energy joined forces and spent five month...
Read full storyNew Global Warming Theory Proposed
Paris France, August 20, 2008: Dr. Felix G. Teton (PHD), a professor of mathematics, at the Sorbonne University announced today that the "Hockey Stick" curve is a false predictor of increasing climate temperature change. He says that "I have develope...
Read full storySpoof writer Monkey Woods fired up by 'arse-on' charges
Dudley, Yorks - (Ass Mess): Veteran Spoof! writer Monkey Woods is said to be incandescent today after Tipton fire chiefs blamed him for the blaze that destroyed a 500-acre petrol refinery following a windbreaking demonstration that went horribly arse...
Read full storyArse Fire Causes Pounds Worth Of Damage
A 12-year-old boy has been taken to hospital with horrific burns after blowing up a petrol can whilst breaking wind. The accident happened in the Black Country town of Tipton, near Dudley, where the boy, along with his cousin, was having a Fart-li...
Read full storyOlympic Medals revealed to have magical properties
In a stunning breakthrough, UK scientists have shown that Olympic Medals have curious properties when collected in large batches. Effects include the disappearance of Human Rights Issues and the ability to cause depression in Australians. "We look...
Read full storyVictoria Pendleton Romantically Linked With Tony Blair
Victoria Pendleton, the British Olympic cycling sprint gold medal winner, is today the subject of a story linking her romantically with the former Prime Minster Tony Blair. Blair was in the Velodrome to see Pendleton win her race on Tuesday, and s...
Read full storyOlympic Shock - Swimming World Records and Medals stripped as pool is found to be too short!
Beijing, China - The Olympic swimming world was rocked today by the announcement that all swimming records have been cancelled and all medal winners are to be stripped of their awards after officials confirmed that the pool in the Water Cube falls sh...
Read full storyGlitter Named New Host of Countdown
Sources have claimed that convicted paedophile Gary Glitter, who looked like he was a bit iffy throughout the 70's but you couldn't quite pinpoint why, is to take over from frail crooner Des O'Connor as host of the cult words and numbers quiz Countdo...
Read full storyMadonna Tells Hubby "You've Had Your Chips"
After months of claims that it is "hanging by a thread", reports have emerged today that the turbulent marriage of superstar dancing rabbi Madonna and cheeky cockney market trader Guy Richie is finally over - after she spent the night of her mileston...
Read full storyFive Tips for a Flat Stomach - Hoax!
Five Tips for a Flat Stomach, the irritating advertisement which is currently popping up on the pages of TheSpoof has been exposed as a hoax! Brendan Ballsucker, a regular reader of TheSpoof was the man who discovered the truth. 'Five Tips for...
Read full storyOlympics Closing Ceremony To Include Ritual Animal Sacrifices
The Closing Ceremony at the Beijing Olympics is to be an all-singing, all-dancing extravaganza which will also include a wonderful fireworks display, and the ritual sacrifice of 2008 chickens and 8 bulls. 8 is a lucky number in China, but not for...
Read full storyNew reality show for cattle starting on Channel 5
In a further ground-breaking televisual broadcast, Channel 5 are hittng back at Channel 4 with a new reality show of their own. "Big Udder", due to be screened in the Autumn, will offer the opportunity for cattle to "get on the box and do their th...
Read full storyClooney "Judy Finnigan's Tits have Ruined my Love Life"
In a sensational outburst on UK television, enigmatic commitment phobic George Clooney has revealed that he hasn't had an orgasm with a woman since the Millenium. Clooney (47), the second sexiest man on the planet whose thumbs are reportedly insu...
Read full storyDay I saw Queen fall Arse over Tit
Illegal Igor told last night how the Queen fell on her Royal arse at a banquet at Buckingham Palace when a footman pulled out a chair too far as she went to sit on it. The Russian called it a "famous incident" which gave the staff a secret chuckle...
Read full storyChinese Government Commands Beijing's Canine Cuisine to STAY!
As the Olympiad comes to China, the Chinese government has commanded Beijing's restaurants to tell their dog meat dishes to stay...stay home! Chinese gourmets are protesting the removal of one of their best friends from the Bow-Wow Beijing menu.
Read full storyGoodie Goodling Stars in Justice Department Crucible!
In the witch hunt of the summer, the Bush Justice Department has turned into a Salem Crucible. At the center of the trials stands one cute blonde necromancer, Monica "Goodie" Goodling. Accusations against her involve her use of the dark Rovian powers...
Read full storyMcCain Names Britney Spears and Paris Hilton as Co- Vices!
John McCain in a vane attempt at shaking the GOP (Grandpa Old Poopiepants) stigma of old age and incontinence has decided to pack his stable, er, ticket with some celebrity hotties. Political commentators have been unanimous in their positive evaluat...
Read full storySpoof Corrections: Sorry, We F*cked Up!
Thespoof.com has been remiss over the years for not acknowledging some of our more flagrant errors in reporting: * Mrs. Churchill did not have iron curtains * Truman beat Dewey by two lengths in the 5th at Pimlico * Eisenhower did not invent the light weight jacket. He was in fact the developer of Eisen hower glass. * Reagan did not succeed Eisenhower. In fact, he did not succeed at al...
Read full storyAntikythera Mechanism Proves to Have Had Important Role on Ancient Isle of Lesbos!
Many ancient authors, Cicero among them, wrote about a magnificent machine possibly invented by Archimedes. Archaeologists believe that they have found this device amid the wreckage of an ancient ship off the coast of the Greek Island of Lesbos.The m...
Read full storyJohn McCain and His Rovian Princes of Darkness Are Sick and Tired of Running Against a Black Person!
As McCain get grumpy and the Rovian Princes of Darkness gather round the cauldron, one fact of the '08 election became clear. Running against a Negro is a tough hoe to row. Or is it a tough row to hoe? Whichever, or both, Johnny McC is beginning to s...
Read full storyOsama's Chauffeur's Non- Recommendation Letters!
Most corporate human resource professionals have learned to read between the lines. The Gitmo Terror Trials have produced some of the most non-committal and even blatantly neutral letters of wreck for Salim Hamdan, Osama Bin Laden's driver. 9-...
Read full storyMighty Mouse Banned from Cartoon Olympics for Illegal Performance Enhancing Cheeses!
Children across the world have been inspired by the operatic aria: "Here I come to save the day/ Because Mighty Mouse in on his way!" Sad to announce the sports world today learned that there was more in the ripped rodent's whey than curds! Ca...
Read full storyJoe Torre Develops Boil on his Ass!
There have been tree tumors that look like the Virgin Mary and bagels with burn marks that resemble the kosher Son of God but the recent bizarre development in Los Angeles tops them all. Former Yankee manager, Joe Torre has told TheSpoof.com that...
Read full storyAnglican Archbishop Rowan Wittwon-Oar Steers Church on Third World Circle!
The Archbishop of Canterbury has decided to follow the advice of African Anglican witch doctors in an effort to resolve the long standing conflict over sex in the Anglican Church. Archbishop Rowan Wittwon-Oar claims to have had a revelation while att...
Read full storyVictoria Pendleton Victory: National Anthem Lyrics To Be Changed
'Bird on a bike', Victoria Pendleton, won gold in the Womens Pursuit at the Olympic Velodrome, and afterwards, it was revealed that the lyrics to the National Anthem are to be adapted in recognition of her tremendous efforts. The Queen has bowed t...
Read full storyGary Glitter Performs A One-Nighter In Bangkok
Gary Glitter, the popular English musician and paedophile, has performed a spontaneous one-night show for airline staff, police and immigration officials at Bangkok Airport on his way back to the UK. Glitter, real name Shitter, told his captors th...
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