Cardiff, Welsh Wales - Former choirboy turned screeching singer Aled Jones has converted to Islam and will now be known as Ahmed Jones. He said at a press conference that he wished to follow in the footsteps of his childhood hero Cat Stevens, now known as Youseff Islam, however as Stevens is a size 10 shoe and Jones is only 5, this is impossible.
Jones became famous for singing boring tuneless soprano songs but since his balls dropped he has struggled to hit a note. He was recently turned down by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir as not being "Osmond-enough".
Jones is now busy learning Arabic songs, "It's a bit the same as Welsh, see", said Jones, "No-body can understand a bloody word!"
However, his conversion has not been overly welcomed by Muslims. "Our music is bad ehough with this infidel adding his crap to it". moaned Mohamed Mohamed Mohamed Ali Mohamed of the Arabic Musicians Union.
Welsh people are said to be "shocked and digusted". One Welsh villager said "We are shocked and disgusted". But he said it in Welsh so we had to guess the actual meaning. In towns all around Wales there have been public burnings of Jones' records. Estimates claim almost 25 LP's have gone up in smoke.
The Jones family were unavailable for comment as Father Jones is in retreat in a Buddhist Temple and Mother Jones is celebrating Yom Kippur.