Federer Blames Gavin Rossdale For Loss Of Form

Written by Tess Tickles

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

image for Federer Blames Gavin Rossdale For Loss Of Form
Things have gone downhill for the Bush frontman.

Roger Federer has blamed his recent decline in form on Bush singer Gavin Rossdale, in an astonishing interview with Swiss newspaper Cheese & Cuckoo Clocks daily.

Federer, who has lost the number one spot to Nadal, stated that Rossdale was 'a parasite' and that he wanted Gwen Stefani's husband 'out of his life'.

"I don't like Rossdale", began Federer. "He's a washed-up never-was. Bush were shit. Are they still around? I don't even know. That's how shit they were. Swallowed was overrated. The guy's just clinging to my coattails, trying to bask in my success, because no one gives a fuck about Bush."

Rossdale was in the Swiss star's player box for his epic Wimbledon final against Nadal, but how he got there remains a mystery.

"I didn't invite him. He lost me the match. I looked up into my box to get some support from my camp and I see Gavin fucking Rossdale and Gwen Stefani up there. I'm like 'what the fuck?'. The guy keeps pestering me with phone-calls in the middle of the night. He sends me flowers. Notes which read 'let's be friends, don't leave me'. I look out my hotel window at midnight and see him standing out there with a guitar singing in the rain. You can imagine the horror that evokes. I'm scared."

Roger feels that Rossdale's insanity is due to fact that the Bush man lives in the shadow of his superstar wife.

"He wants some recognition. He wants to be Roger Federer's best friend. He's sick of being Gwen Stefani's bitch and less talented husband."

Federer now hopes to acquire a restraining order against Rossdale and overtake Nadal in the rankings.

"I've given Nadal's address to Rossdale. I'm hoping he'll take a hint."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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