Vampire Convention In Denver Next Week

Funny story written by Fish

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

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Pro-Death, Lifeless American Buffy Legosi Speaks Her Mind

Denver CO-- Vampires will meet in Denver next week for their own national convention. The vamps meet once every fifty years to make policy changes and elect new leaders. There should be no interference with the Democratic Convention.

Buffy Legosi is a vampire and presidential candidate for the Lonely Ones and was eager to talk with the press about "21st Century vampirism". She is running on the Pro-Death ticket.

"By the way, please don't call us vampires anymore." said Ms. Legosi. "We prefer Lifeless-Americans. Terms like the undead, bloodsuckers, and the living dead are highly offensive to us. We like the more politically correct term."

Ms.Legosi said Lifeless-Americans are split between Pro-Death and Pro-Choice platforms.

"Pro-Death candidates believe any living human, including babies, can be dinner material. The Pro-Choice crowd wants to wait until humans reach the age of choice--adulthood. They believe only adults can choose to cross-over and become a Lifeless-American."

Ms. Legosi expects no difficulty with the Democrats in town for their own party.

"We don't really eat Democrats." said Ms. Legosi. "Their blood is usually filled with viruses, spirochetes and God knows what. Most of them are high on something too. Not something you want to slurp on."

Buffy Legosi liked to talk and couldn't resist 'outing' a prominent politician as a closet Lifeless-American

"And by the way, John McCain is a Lifeless-American too! It's not the melanoma that keeps him out of the direct sunlight. Haven't you noticed how pale he is!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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