Enough Is Enough For Silly Names!
Scottish officials are trying to ban parents from choosing wacky names like Superman for their children.
Read full storyThe 'Stig' involved in Blue Badge shame
It appears that Jeremy Clarkson is not the only one who abuses the law - and gets away with it! Last week, Clarkson was caught by a GATSO speed camera travelling an estimated 83 mph in a 50 mph zone in a hired Alfa Romeo sports car but escaped prose...
Read full storyGordon Brown delivers slightly thrilling speech to TUC
Trade union members were "moderately excited" at Prime Minister Brown's address to the TUC Congress earlier today. The 30 minute speech almost received a standing ovation and delegates nearly said that...
Read full storyZac Efron and Daniel Radcliffe to star in stage adaptation of Brokeback Mountain
Broadway, New York - (Ass Mess): High School Musical star Zac Efron and Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe are being headhunted on Broadway for a stage adaptation of the 2006 Academy Award winning Brokeback Mountain.
Read full storyBBC voted best spoof news channel
BBC bosses said they were surprised when the media corporation took awards in several categories of the DAFTAs in London yesterday. The annual awards was hosted at the Lord Mayor's Hall in front...
Read full storyLines Grow in Airport Men's Rooms across America
Crowds abound, apparently the result of a Senator's being arrested in a 'sting' at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.
Read full storyImmigration judge grants Devil asylum in UK
An immigration judge has upheld an appeal by the Devil against a refusal by the Secretary of State to grant him asylum in the UK. The judge, in between smoking cannabis and bonking his cleaner, came...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe Naked In New York Gives New Meaning to The Great White Way
Daniel Radcliffe, most famous for his title roll in the Harry Potter films, has now completed his stage run on Equus in Great Britain and plans to go with the show to New York. His nude turn on Broadway will give new meaning to the Great White Way.
Read full storyBritney Spears and her Strange MTV VMA Performance
Britney Spears Embarrassed herself at the MTV Video Music Awards. The performance, however, was par for the course for the pop tart now known more for her wild lifestlyle and outrageous behaviour than her talent, singing, or music videos. An obvi...
Read full storyDirty old man sues Kurt and Goldie
A homeless Vietnam veteran has successfully sued long term couple Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.
Read full storyMariah Carey glues face to old man's leg
Singer Mariah Carey got herself in a sticky situation when she accidentally glued her face to the leg of an 85 year old man.
Read full storyCharlton Heston slams the National Rifle Association for "gun loving"
Legendary Hollywood actor and N.R.A spokesman Charlton Heston has slammed the association for what he calls a "gun loving" attitude.
Read full storyThe True, Really Important Election: Freshmen Class President
My son is "campaigning" for office. In fact, he is running to be the president of his high school freshmen class at Onate High School in Las Cruces, New Mexico.
Read full storyAfrican Charity donates money to Church of Scientology
African based charity "The Good Givers" has donated a large unspecified sum of money to the loony Church of Scientology.
Read full storyViking ship buried under pub car park - Norsemen wanted British beer
Archaeologists have uncovered a Viking ship under a pub car park on Merseyside. This confirms previous theories that British lager is and always has been the best in the world.
Read full storyGeorge W Bush gets trapped in public toilet
President George W Bush had a lucky escape after getting trapped in a public toilet in a Dallas shopping mall.
Read full storyRetard movie banned in Oklahoma
A movie directed by Oscar Winner Steven Spielbergo has been banned in Oklahoma by city officials.
Read full storyProfessor Sir Roy Meadow off to Portugal to help frame Kate McCann
Portuguese police have drafted in former British paediatrician Professor Sir Roy Meadow to help with the prosecution of Kate and Gerry McCann.
Read full storyBoxer Shorts Cause Health Problem
Health experts are calling for boxer shorts to be banned amid claims they cause the painful condition known as 'conker balls.'...
Read full storyBarrymore Trains as Lifeguard
Remorseful funnyman Michael Barrymore is to train as a lifeguard in a bid to prevent another swimming pool tragedy at his Essex mansion.
Read full storyMichigan Wolverines Shagged by Oregon Ducks!
An Arbor, Michigan - Not to belittle Appalachian State's accomplishment last week in upsetting the highly touted Michigan Wolverines, but the Oregon Ducks would like a vote for "Humiliating" the Wolverines. Actually they spanked them si...
Read full storyMcCanns pick Augusto Pinochet's lawyer to defend them
Leicestershire - (Ass Mess): The beleagured parents of little Maddie McCann have chosen General Augusto Pinochet's former defence attorney Michael Caplan QC to act for them amid reports that UK police and social workers 'are on their case'...
Read full storyGrim Reaper eclipse spells Armageddon for 9/11 deception gang
London - (Ass Mess): Tuesday's 9/11 Grim Reaper eclipsed new moon is a dire omen for the Bush Administration's collusion with the organised crime cartels that have got off scot-free for World Trade Center atrocity of 2001.
Read full storyCPS exonerates Barrymore
London - (Rightoldlaugh Mess): Entertainer (sic) Michael Barrymore has been exonerated by the CPS over the 2001 swimming pool death mystery of Essex butcher Stuart Lubbock.
Read full storyHow Chain-Smoking Cops Framed McCanns
Bungling Portuguese detectives made seven RIDICULOUS GAFFES in trying to fit up missing Maddie's parents. We look at each one of these TOTALLY STUPID claims to show what idiots the Portuguese cops are.
Read full storyArchaeologists say Viking ship sank under pub car park
Liverpool - (Ass Mess): Archaeologists have discovered the remains of an ancient Viking longship which sank under a Merseyside pub car park in 1942 after drunken Norse warrior sailors suffered a fatal form of early SAT-NAV failure.
Read full storyOsama Taunts 'Monkey Heid' Bush
OSAMA BIN LADEN has taunted George W Bush by sending him a 'Happy Anniversary' card - six years on from the day he became America's public enemy No.1.
Read full storyScottish Smoking Ban a year on - scientific research
Following a year of the smoking ban in Scotland, scientists have confirmed there is a dramatic difference in the health of Scottish people.
Read full storyPakistan ex-Prime Minister is repeating the same day over and over again like "Groundhog Day"
The former Prime Minister of Pakistan Nawaz Sharif claims he is repeating the same day over and over again in an endless loop.
Read full storyPope Arrested, Held For Questioning In Portugal
In an astonishing new twist to the Madeleine McCann enquiry, the Pope has been arrested and brought to Portugal for questioning about the little girl's disappearance.
Read full storyWoman appointed Beefeater "as joke" just before Tower of London demolished
LONDON: When Moira Cameron was named as the first female Beefeater at the Tower of London in its 522-year history, it was hailed as a milestone for women's rights. But in reality it was just a practical joke at Cameron's expense. Reporting fo...
Read full storyMedical Marijuana Testing Monkey ate all the Goddamn Bananas.
Greenville, South Dakota - Frou Frou, a primate involved in testing medical marijuana at the offices of Pharmco a medical research group, ate the lab's entire Goddamn supply of Goddamn bananas.
Read full storyToo much stuff
I have a few very wealthy friends and it never ceases to amaze me how much stuff they have. But what amazes me even more is the amount of stuff they have that they will never use!...
Read full storySteven Fossett Found! Millionaire is Now Attempting to Circumnavigate the Globe While Levitating!
LOS ANGELES, United States (UFO) - The search for missing adventurer Steve Fossett appears to be over. Nearly one week after the millionaire aviator's plane vanished, he phoned friends via satellite phone to inform them of his latest adventure.
Read full storyBin Ladin Name Means: Been Lookin At De Moron Ova Deaahh in Brooklynese
Brooklyn, New York (IP) - an American language anthropologist has just broken the meaning of the Brookylnese acronym Bin Ladin. The people from Brooklyn have their own dialect and scientists are sent there on a regular basis to decipher the meaning...
Read full storyBin Ladin Languishing in Frustration
Shoomlakalaka, Pakistan (IP) - Reports trickling out of the back country in Pakistan indicate that Bin Ladin has been feeling the blues lately. One of the recent dilemmas he recently faced involved finding a suitable name for his latest video.
Read full storyUK stunned by divorce of HM the Queen and HRH Prince Phillip
In a development so unforeseen that nobody, uh, foresaw it, HM the Queen and HRH Prince Phillip today made their divorce official at the Westminster Register Office. Veteran Royal-watchers, long listed in the Guinness Book as "most useless human...
Read full storyBin Laden Videos Sold as Sleep Aid
Bollywood, New Delco (IP) - An enterprising Indian company has made a million copies of Bin Ladin's latest video and is selling it to Americans and other westerners to be used as a sleep inducing aid.
Read full storyMy Modest Proposal
Over the recent years, Democrats have really bolstered the success of the United States, and we need to make sure they remain in power. Social Security is not only going to the fiery pits of hell, but at the rate we're going, social security will probably be designed to take money away from the retired. The government only has to come up with 200 billions dollars before this fiscal year ends t...
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