How Chain-Smoking Cops Framed McCanns

Written by politicalpop

Monday, 10 September 2007

image for How Chain-Smoking Cops Framed McCanns
Portuguese cops ordered fingerprint equipment from Argos ten years too late

Bungling Portuguese detectives made seven RIDICULOUS GAFFES in trying to fit up missing Maddie's parents. We look at each one of these TOTALLY STUPID claims to show what idiots the Portuguese cops are.

1. Finding Maddie's blood and DNA in the hire car 25 days after she vanished proves they disposed of the body.

WRONG: Hiding her corpse from bungling Portuguese police for 25 days would definitely not have been that easy because they're not quite that bungling although they are complete idiots.

2: Dogs detected the "smell of death" on Kate's clothing.

EASY-PEASY: A GP, like Dr Harold Shipman, often has to pronounce lots of patients dead. Sniffer dogs can smell death years after it occurred providing seven years of perfect alibis for all doctors everywhere.

3: Maddie's DNA was discovered on the apartment floor.

COME ON, GUYS: The use of DNA matching has been used successfully to bang up pervs, but toddlers often deliberately leave DNA kicking around, so in this particular case, it's a load of old rubbish.

4: The McCanns accidentally overdid the sleeping tablets.

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS: What's more, they said they didn't, and we all believe doctors. Even if they did, as trained medical people, they'd know they'd never get away with it, so obviously they didn't.

5: The McCanns went AWOL for 30 minutes.

THESE PORTUGUESE COPS ARE THICK WOPS: They reckon the body was hidden between the time the McCanns sat down to eat, and the time friends said the meal really began. Come on, it was manic, even without kids running round the table. Everyone knows the kids were taken care of! Everyone makes mistakes.

6: Dogs scented death on the family Bible.

PLEASE, NO MORE: Bibles are old and smell of death.

7: Kate shoved Cuddle Cat in the Hotpoint to clean off evidence

GOOD THINKING, WATSON: She obviously didn't clean it straight away in case she was accused of washing off evidence, so she cleaned it later, stupido. She's a doctor. She's clever.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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