It appears that Jeremy Clarkson is not the only one who abuses the law - and gets away with it! Last week, Clarkson was caught by a GATSO speed camera travelling an estimated 83 mph in a 50 mph zone in a hired Alfa Romeo sports car but escaped prosecution because he hired 'Slippery Sam' Eels, the solicitor favoured by the Kray brothers to get him off on a technicality.
'Slippery Sam' is now preparing a case for the 'Stig' who was recently caught using a disabled parking bay in Sainsbury's, Bognor Regis last Friday. The driver, famous for his white overalls and a white helmet with its reflective visor was spotted by the sexy, but vigilant traffic warden 'Candy' Clarkson, 32, (no relation), parking his Ferrari red, Fiat Panda in a restricted zone. Although he displayed his Blue Badge in the correct manner, it was noticeable that he ran into the supermarket with no apparent mobility impairments.
When challenged by Miss Clarkson, the Top Gear mystery man showed her the photograph on his badge but refused to reveal his true identity by removing his helmet. He claimed that the BBC had actually super glued it to his head in order to maintain his anonymity and that he really did have a problem walking on several verrucas on his right foot. The 'Stig' then asked Miss Clarkson for a date which she construed to be a form of Bribery. Especially when it was to go to a Smoothie Bar in Hastings.
However, our knight in white explained that it had to be a Smoothie or nothing because the only way he could eat or drink was through a straw. "Okay its great fun to be able to drive around an airfield at full pelt, but it's no joy having to eat and drink this way -- it's a very cruel!"
Peggy Legge, a genuine blue badge holder said "I am really glad that such a celebrity would be prosecuted because far too many people abuse the system and us poor folk have no choice but to struggle up to half a mile to the shop. I hope they really do throw the book at him -- he should have his leg sawn off -- let's see how he likes it?"
A spokesman for the BBC's Top Gear programme told us: "The 'Stig' has only two more years of his contract to run and he can have his headgear surgically removed and thereby return to some kind of normal existence."
In Seine News has the latest exclusive on Richard Hammond, who is thought to be considering taking the place of The Stig but because of his size will be known as 'The Stiglet'.