Corrupt Bastards Club glee as rugman Zoellick gets World Bank job
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): The Corrupt Bastards Club (rug division) is cock-a-hoop tonight as George W Bush prepares to announce that Robert Zoellick is to take over the top job at the World Bank which Paul Wolfowitz nepotised with such applomb.
Read full storyNew WMD?
Details of Iran's diabolical plan to attack the US with missiles full of black cats were released today. President Bush's immediate response was to order a total invasion of Iran. "I'm the decisioner!" proclaimed Bush when Pentagon officials a...
Read full storyNew Miss Universe: "America s-u-c-h bad loser"
Mexico City - (Ass Mess): Newly crowned Miss Universe, 20 year old Miss Japan Riyo Mori, has hit back at allegations that the Sony Corporation rigged the pageant by doshing up the Mexican government with a $250 million bung for their beauty to win th...
Read full storyBritney Spears: I Was Like a Nymphomaniac With NO Rubbers
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA (HARD ON-LINE)-- Toxic shock tween twat extrordinaire, Britney Spears, came out swinging on here website, berating the tabloids & cursing out her business manager and close family for trying to keep control of B...
Read full storyMet Cracks Huge Paedophile Ring at the Met
The London Metropolitan police were today celebrating another victory in the war against child pornography, claiming to have cracked a massive paedophile ring based in London.
Read full storySenator Barack Obama Offers Universal Health Care and Insurance Plan
Illinois Senator and democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama unvieled what he calls a "Universal Health Care and Insurance Plan" that will insure that all U.S. citizens have medical insurance coverage. The plan will also cause those...
Read full storyExercise is bad for you
New evidence revealed today indicates that aerobic exercise can drastically shorten your life span. It claims that making your heart beat faster means that use you use up your life's quota of heartbeats quicker.
Read full storyQueen to host BBC's Have I Got News For You
In an unusual move the BBC has announced that the first guest presenter of the next series of the popular television show Have I Got News For You, scheduled for the autumn, will be Her Majesty the Queen.
Read full storyRosie Bombs with 9/11 Conspiracy Theory "Jokes" at The View; Audience Members left in stunned silence, giggles, then laughter
Hollywood, California - More behind the scene details of events that lead up to last Wednesday's brew-ha-ha on The View between Rosie and Elisabeth have surfaced today. As it turns out, Elisabeth was not only angry at having to defend Rosie for a...
Read full storyTinky Winky and Right Said Fred to Lead Gay Pride March Through Poland
Popular TV character Tinky Winky will join Right Said Fred lead singer Richard Fairbrass in Poland's first Gay Pride rally. At least fourteen other people are expected to attend to support the banner waving duo including gay rights leader Peter T...
Read full storyNew Born Babies to be Delivered by Janitors in Corridors
New born babies are no longer born with silver spoons in their mouths, but from today may well be born in a janitors bucket in a hospital corridor.
Read full storyBollywood poised for Aishwarya pregnancy announcement
Mumbai - (Ass Mess): Bollywood is abuzz with rumors that Aishwarya Rai and husband Abhishek Bachchan are to use the awesome astrology of this Friday's full moon to announce they are expecting the birth of twin daughters in February next year.
Read full storyDiana's Heart Up For Grabs
Channel 4 are to team up with Dutch TV station BNN to create a show offering Princess Diana's heart to one lucky female contestant.
Read full storyDaily Show Cancelled! Now 'The Ron Paul Show'
Due to popular demand, The Daily Show hosted by Jon Stewart has been replaced by the 24/7 "All Ron Paul Show".
Read full storyKylie boasts about her "black girl's ass"
Cannes Film Festival - (Ass Mess): Aussie singer Kylie Minogue has stunned the entertainment business by revealing she has had a buttock transplant after finding an attractive bottom for sale on eBay.
Read full story"Damned Mexicans hexed me!" wails Miss USA
Mexico City - (Ass Mess): Beleagured Miss USA Rachel Smith has blamed 'Mexican voodoo' after slipping and falling on the Miss Universe catwalk last night during the evening gown parade.
Read full storyKate Middleton's fury at Royal Ascot ban
London - (Ass Mess): Ex-Royal wannabe Kate Middleton is said to be 'shocked and outraged' that her complimentary tickets to this year's Royal Ascot race meeting have been withdrawn without any explanation except a curt circular email mess...
Read full storyClassic Cheney fear fest at West Point commencement
In a commencement day appearance before hundreds of graduating cadets at West Point, Vice President Dick Cheney used his speech to attack the Geneva Convention, the U.S. Constitution and democracy in general.
Read full storyCherie's fury at spin doctor's Baby Leo paternity claims
Drowning Street - (Ass Mess): Cherie Blair has lashed out out former No 10 spin chief Alistair Campbell's diary revelations that say she has had countless affairs with most of the cash-for-honors peers ennobled by her husband including Merlin Bi...
Read full storyRon Paul Endorsed By Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Paris Hilton
LOS ANGELES (FMLiveWire) - Congressman Ron Paul knows he is going to be the next president of the United States, and his prospects just improved dramatically with his endorsement by a succession of Hollywood stars, including Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt...
Read full storyUK Corrupt Bastards Club announces BP's return to Libya
London - (Ass Mess): UK Prime Monster is visiting Libya and has told the press that thanks to his superb Corrupt Bastards Club connections oil giant BP has secured a $900 million natural gas exploration contract.
Read full storyGordon's New Laws
In a few weeks time Tony Blair will step down from his position as Prime Minister of this country. His place at number 10 will be filled by current Chancellor Gordon Brown - although it has come to our attention that Mr. Brown may already be drunk with power.
Read full storyBig Brother 8 Endemol In Trouble Over Body Parts Donation Gameshow
Big Brother creators Endemol are in the news again after a programme in which a terminally-ill woman selects one of three patients to receive her kidneys after her death, was given the all-clear for broadcast on
Read full storyUS, Iran Hurl Explitives for Hours in Baghad
Baghdad, Iraq (FP) - Representatives from the US and Iran drank tea and exchanged anything but smiles in the Iraqi capital this past weekend.
Read full storyLurita Doan Latest to Get Republican White House Memory Loss Disease
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Lurita Doan is the latest Repbulican to come down with the dreaded memory loss disease that seems to be overtaking any Republican who has to testify in government investigations. The first Republican hit was Judge...
Read full storyRudy Giuliani Trys Hat to Improve Image
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Atlanta - Rudy Giuliani, who helped with the 9/11 Conspiracy, as evidenced by his being warned, is now trading his growl for a smile and a hat. Giuliani is hoping that not enough people watch the 9/11 videos on YouTube to make...
Read full story17 and Always Drunk
Figures published today have shown that most 17-24 year olds spend their lives drunk. It has also revealed that more and more of our young people are going the same way.
Read full storyKeira Knightley nude scene as Princess Diana in new movie.
Actress Keira Knightley is being lined up to play Diana, Princess of Wales in a movie based on the late royals life.
Read full storyMarried to the Mob
Ageing Coronation street barmaid Bet Lynch was rearrested having briefly tasted freedom yesterday from jail following her earlier extradition from the Rovers Return to Italy.
Read full storyPo-land unhappy with Tinky-Winky.
A senior Polish official has ordered psychologists to investigate whether the popular BBC TV show Teletubbies promotes a homosexual lifestyle.
Read full storyTeletubbies Too Sexy for Polish TV
News just in from our Polish children's TV correspondant has told us that an investigation is to be launched as to whether the cult TV children's drama "Teletubbies" promotes homosexuality.
Read full storyNovaCane - the new wonder drug.
Scientists in Los Angeles have biologically engineered a new stimulant from sugar cane. The new drug called NovaCane should replace other products in this burgeoning area of consumerism. Marketing suggests that the so called 'Columbian Marching P...
Read full storyRosie Fired by Corrupt Bastards Club Neo-Cons
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York - Neo-Con Republicans were behind the conspiracy to remove Rosie O'Donnell from the air, said Paul Joseph Watson in an article at Prisonplanet.com. According to Watson, the Neo-Con Republicans wanted Rosie barred...
Read full storyBig Brother 8 Will Be Bigger, Better, Lewder And Louder Than Ever...But With No Racism
Big Brother returns to television screens this week with a show that producers say is bigger, better, lewder and louder and more shocking than ever - but without the racism, of course.
Read full storyCell Phones Being Used for Mind Control!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Earth - A secret link was discovered between George W. Bush and his visits with Tony Blair and the Queen.
Read full storyBush Visits Arlington National Cemetary
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - For Memorial Day, President George W. Bush visited the Arlington National Cemetery.
Read full storyCharles Nelson Reilly Found Dead; Severe Eye Infection Suspected Cause
Hollywood, California - Best known for his black oversized eyeglasses, making regular appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and various late night TV games shows like Hollywood Squares, Charles Nelson Reilly, 76, was found dead in his ho...
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