Gordon's New Laws

Funny story written by James Malley

Tuesday, 29 May 2007


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In a few weeks time Tony Blair will step down from his position as Prime Minister of this country. His place at number 10 will be filled by current Chancellor Gordon Brown - although it has come to our attention that Mr. Brown may already be drunk with power.

This speculation came about when certain new laws that Gordon Brown plans to enforce were leaked.

The Spoof has managed to receive some of those laws:

1. Drinking from your own bottle can lead to your arrest.

2. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

3. You may not have more than two dildos in the house.

4. Detonating a nuclear device within city limits is a £250 fine.

5. It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays the bill.

6. The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

7. It is illegal to throw rocks at a city street.

8. It is illegal to have sex with a cow.

9. Molesting a car is illegal.

10. Idiots may not vote.

11. It is considered an offence to push a live donkey out of a moving airplane.

12. If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.

13. Persons classified as 'ugly' may not walk down any street.

14. It is illegal to molest butterflies.

15. It is illegal to wipe one's own car with used underwear.

16. It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

17. Excluding Sundays, it is legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow.

18. Its legal to protest naked in front of 10 Downing Street as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

19. The molestation of bins is illegal.

20. It is illegal for shops to sell corn flakes on a Sunday.

21. It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

22. It is illegal for a woman to be topless in public except as a clerk in a tropical fish shop.

23. It is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.

24. It is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance and if caught the man is released but the woman is punished and her name will be in the newspaper

25. It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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