Ron Paul Endorsed By Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Paris Hilton

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Tuesday, 29 May 2007

image for Ron Paul Endorsed By Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Paris Hilton
Hollywood's star choice

LOS ANGELES (FMLiveWire) - Congressman Ron Paul knows he is going to be the next president of the United States, and his prospects just improved dramatically with his endorsement by a succession of Hollywood stars, including Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and even socialite Paris Hilton.

"Ron Paul sure has my vote," said Pitt. "Hollywood is sick of oil wars and of warmongering Republicans. Paul is a breath of fresh air. I wish I had a body like Ron Paul."

Jolie added, "Ron Paul looks so cute and cuddly, he is totally irresistible. He has my vote too. I wish I could adopt him."

Paul is a new wave Republican, one who believes in minimal intrusion into private lives at home and minimal government intervention abroad.

"Ron Paul is the only man for me!" gushed Paris Hilton. "I so love his peaceful libertarian roots. He would keep people like me out of jail I bet. I wish he would visit my cell."

Yet neoconservative militarists like Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and Mormon Mitt Romney endorse George Bush's oil wars, despite the huge opposition of American public opinion. These other Republican candidates want more dead American soldiers to grab Middle Eastern oil for Exxon Mobil, and thus they take a dim view of the anti-war Texas usurper Ron Paul.

"Ron Paul threatens to upset the whole apple cart," said Giuliani. "9/11 and Bush's oil wars are big business for Giuliani Partners and other Republicans. If the USA stops provoking terrorism around the world, our income from security consulting would dry up."

Paul sagely says that the US is indeed sparking reprisals in its rapacious global quest for oil, and he predicts that the Republicans cannot win next year's presidential with a pro-war platform. He cites the 1952 and 1968 presidential elections which proved fatal to presidential incumbents.

Paul also says he wants to take back the Republican Party from the warmongering, big government Bushites who would spend more money, run fantastic deficits and amass unserviceable debt, while policing US citizens and the world in an illegal and unconstitutional police state. Paul would get rid of the Department of Homeland Security and end Bush's repression.

Paul also regards Democrats, like Republicans, as slaves of the oil industry and AIPAC, who have the same interventionist ideology as most Republicans. The only real exception is Democratic Representative Dennis Kucinich of Ohio, another peace candidate.

"Ron Paul definitely has my vote," said Kucinich, who like Ron Paul exposes the real motivations for the Iraq war. Bush's war had nothing to do with any professed American ideals. His claims of weapons of mass destruction and Saddam Hussein connections with al Qaeda had no basis in fact.

Kucinich maintains like Paul that Bush invaded Iraq to grab its oil supply while allowing everything else to go to hell. Meanwhile Bush and Cheney provided no-bid Iraqi contracts to their Republican cronies in a war which is an ongoing crime.

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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