Delta Iota Zeta Zeta Banned from DePauw Campus!
Sorority Delta Iota Zeta Zeta (DIZZ) has been expelled from Depauw University greek system for its latest banning of overweight and "inconveniently intelligent" members.
Read full storyDuke Lacrosse Triumphant in 2007 Opener...and People Care for the First Time Ever
DURHAM, N.C. -- The players stood waiting for their chance to run onto the field. They all knew this was not just another game. For the first time, and likely the only time ever, people gave a shit about a Duke Lacrosse game.
Read full storyNew 2 Year Twitch Discovered By Anti-Social Scientists (ASS)
Anti-Social Scientists (ASS) Inc. have discovered that marriage loses its "Happiness-Boost" in only two years! In direct contradiction of countless studies by Pro-Social Scientists (PSS) which have claimed for years the incontrovertible evi...
Read full storyWhite House Distances Itself from Former General's Remarks About Gays in the Military
WASHINGTON D.C. -- In the context of the recent uproar over remarks by Marine Gen. Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, about gays in the military, the White House reaffirmed its support for the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"...
Read full storyBush To Pardon Libby
It's clear President Bush will pardon I. Lewis 'Scooter' Libby for his memory malfunction before leaving office in 2008; suggesting: if one has sloppy work habits; suffers from a dicey memory; has a predilection for gossip; he or she may...
Read full storyWas Beethoven Deaf?
Ludwig van Beethoven (?-1847) who was possibly one of the greatest composers of slow boring music with occasional meaningless moments may not have slowly gone deaf as has always been thought.
Read full storyWhat's your ancestry? Out of Africa for Arayan Nation leader
To settle a bar bet, Jonathan Williams, leader of Arayan Nation faction "The Church of Jesus Christ Christian," underwent genetic testing to discover his ancestry.
Read full storyCheney: You Are Hurting Troops!
Your The Spoof reporter was at a press conference called to react to VP Cheney's attack on Democratic fund-cuttin proposals to begin an end to the war. After Hillary, Obama and sundry other politicos spoke a new and refreshing voice made the foll...
Read full storyActor Jeni Regets Suicide; Requests Forgiveness
HOLLYWOOD -- In a recent interview, comedian Richard Jeni is sad that he had to resort in taking his own life, and would like to see that we would forgive him for his rash actions. He said he was just dying for an interview, and that no one was gett...
Read full storyBush Decides to Lead Guatemalan Army
Generalissimo Jorge Doubleooo Bush announced his resignation from his sometime role as El Presidente Decidero de los Estados Unidos.
Read full storySexy Aliens Attack Japan!
It is being reported that sexy female aliens have begun attacking Japan. The creatures are blue, with black hair, and wear a black sports bra and a dirty, lacy, yellow thong.
Read full storyCollins Says 'F-That' to Hall of Fame
ENGLAND -- After the weekend news hit that the Rock N' Roll hall of fame now included several hip-hop / rap artists in this years recent inductees, Phil flipped out. Collins (56) says that when his mind was approached with even the slight notion...
Read full storyBritney Spears Missing After Escape From Rehab Center
MALIBOO,CALIFORNIA (BREAKING NEWS) Pop Star gone mad, Britney Spears has disappeared from the Promises Rehab Center in Malibu by the Sea and her present whereabouts are unknown at this hour.
Read full storyA Pastor Haggard moment waiting to happen for worried Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff?
Pentagon - (Ass Press): Marine General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has told a press conference that he considers homosexuality to be immoral and any fag-ass pansy caught on his watch will be stripped.
Read full storyGenius of the Music Video Hailed
Tommy Motolla who reportedly has gotten laid every day for the past 35 years is singing the praises of the Music Video.
Read full storyGeneral Pace fans the gay flames of scandal
WASHINGTON D.C. -- As the quagmirish scandal of the Iraq war continues and the shocker at Walter Reed lingers in the public eye, the nation's top military man is fanning the flames of controversy by stroking the debate over gays in uniform.
Read full storyJudge Larry Seidlin brokers TV show for Israeli bondage ambassador
Florida - (Ass Press): Using his newfound showbiz connections Florida judge Larry Seidlin is acting as go-between for Israeli ambassador to El Salvador Tzuriel Refael to be given is very own celebrity show on a cult S&M/fetish channel.
Read full storyBeware the Ides of March PM Told as Gatekeeper Turner does Plea Bargain Deal
Drowning Street - (Disgusted Press): UK Prime Mobster Tony Blair has been given a stark warning by the legions of organised crime cartels which bankrolled him into Number 10 in 1997 following gatekeeper Ruth Turner's eleventh-hour plea bargain wi...
Read full storyBush approves global warming bill that makes it illegal for cows to belch
In an attempt to fight the "greenhouse effect," Pres. George W. Bush today passed into law a global warming bill that makes it illegal for American cows and sheep to belch.
Read full storyJapan moves to protect used schoolgirl panty market
Tokyo- Today Japanese trade minister Yumi Kumimori announced that starting on January 1st 2007 the government will impose a 100% tariff on each pair of imported used schoolgirl panties.
Read full storyGod's Banker murder panic: Putin visits Papa Ratzi
Vatican City - (Ass Press): Panic in the Vatican about some sordid 25 year old child molesting sex secrets now emerging in the God's Banker murder trial of Roberto Calvi has sent Russian President Vlad The Impaler Putain hotfoot to the Pope'...
Read full storyBritney Spears to World: "Stop Finding Me So Interesting, Go Read Warren Ellis's NEXTWAVE"
It's happened - Britney Spears has finally come up with an alternative to herself. The damaged girl, who the media and internet seem intent on damaging even more, has asked the people of the world to go and read NEXTWAVE instead of bothering her...
Read full storySylvester Stallone charged with taking performance enhancing drugs
An Australian court last night sensationally charged 'Rocky' star, Sylvester Stallone, with taking performance enhancing drugs.
Read full storyCarol Vorderman and Her Brain Booster
Mathematical boffin and Countdown presenter Carol Vorderman has launched a daily workout game for the brain called MIND AEROBICS. The interactive grey matter exercise plan will be available to play online, by mobile phone or by interactive TV.
Read full storyViagra discovered in New York State drinking water
High levels of sildenafil citrate, more commonly known by it's brand name, Viagra, have been detected in drinking water in upstate New York. The source has been traced by environmental officials to pollution of the river Niagara downstream of Buf...
Read full storyLondon Olympics is Too Close to London - Londoners Complain
A London protest group calling itself London Olympics Somewhere Else (LOSE) has staged a demonstration outside the London Headquarters of the London Olympics Delivery Authority (LODA) in Canary Wharf, east London. LODA is the public...
Read full storyNude Antonella Barba photos to raise money for Disabled American Veterans
American Idol loser, Antonella Barba, has a new song to sing and she will be performing it, in her unique, off-key warble, as an American Patriot!...
Read full storyTerry Wogan Is Red Nose Day Saviour
Worries earlier this week that Red Nose day events up and down the country would have to be cancelled, have been laid to rest after swift action by the organisers.
Read full storyObesity Is Good For The Economy - Claim
A report by the World Health Organisation (WHO?) has said that, despite the obvious health implications for those that suffer from it, obesity has a positive effect on the world's economy.
Read full storyAngelina Jole such a good person
Two issues discussed here all in one headline. Wow this is huge because when the name Angelina or Brad is mentioned EVERYONE listens, or reads and gasps.
Read full storyOrgan Stealing Towel Signals On Cruise Ships
AP-(Caribbean) Unusual reports of organ robbing and harvesting among American tourists have risen to uncanny numbers in the past few years among Caribbean bound cruise liners. Albert Haney, from the Fort Lauderdale/ Eastern Caribbean Simple American...
Read full storyObscene Typing Tests In Mississippi
AP-(RuggedHarder) Job applicant Jenny Biles was horrified and dismayed when she applied for a job as Library Assistant at her local community college last week.
Read full storyStallone Not So Sly, Growth Hormone Doesn't Enlarge Brain
Sylvester Stallone, The star of too many Rocky movies, has been caught illegally bringing Human Growth Hormone into Australia.
Read full storyHi-tech Equipment Full Of Evil Creatures That Will Do For Us All Says Man
Evil mutant robot centipedes are taking over the country and it looks as if it's the end for mankind, or at least Britain.
Read full storySidney Lowe mistaken for bellhop in Tampa Hotel after NC State loses to North Carolina
Not only did NC State lose in the final round of the ACC Tournament, getting knocked off by the number 8th ranked North Carolina Tarheels, 89-80, but NC State's head coach Sidney Lowe upon returning to the hotel with his team was mistaken for a b...
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