Sorority Delta Iota Zeta Zeta (DIZZ) has been expelled from Depauw University greek system for its latest banning of overweight and "inconveniently intelligent" members.
Casey I. Q. Lowe, the only sorority sister willing to accept the presidency after the expulsion of bright yet not quite good-looking members, defended the new policy: "We were tired of being known as 'the doghouse'. We had a ton of brilliant young scientists and artists in our sistahood but those bitches couldn't hang with dominant sorority girls from Beta Iota Gamma Tau Iota Tau Sigma"
"This isn't Lesbos, Ya know? , campus upspeak champ, AmieAmie Tippi Hedren upspeaked! We got tired of living with these genius cows?! (good name for a rock group). A sorority?! It's about being elite! ? No?! For more than, Shit?! , Brains?! I didn't (ma and pa) pay for the breast enhancement so I could be belittled by these geeks?!"
The 23 expelled brilliant members have applied to Gamma Epsilon Epsilon Kappa but their relative good looks appeared in preliminary screening to give geek sorority sisters pause. Do we really have to take members who are hot and have hot IQ's? Why don't they apply to Beta Upsilon Tau's Honor sorority(B. U. T. T + brains)?!