General Pace fans the gay flames of scandal

Funny story written by Jack Battler

Tuesday, 13 March 2007

image for General Pace fans the gay flames of scandal
"Don't ask, don't tell, baby"

WASHINGTON D.C. -- As the quagmirish scandal of the Iraq war continues and the shocker at Walter Reed lingers in the public eye, the nation's top military man is fanning the flames of controversy by stroking the debate over gays in uniform.

Marine General Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told the Chicago Tribune: "I believe homosexual acts between two individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts. Even trying it out, as I did in college can have severe consequences. In fact, I could not sit down properly for a week after my 'experiment,' as I like to call it."

Gay advocacy groups and their lawyers are screaming foul, but they are unlikely to have their way on this issue. Ultimately, openly gay men and women will be allowed to serve in uniform, as long as they are not decorating their uniforms pink or wearing rainbow camouflage and for that, ironically, you can thank the first openly gay president: Bill Clinton.

When Clinton took office, gays were barred from serving; a regulation that his chairman of the Joint Chiefs - Colin Powell - wanted to continue. But when Clinton insisted that his entire career was based on secrecy similar to the "don't ask, don't tell" policy a compromise was reached and Congress wrote it into law.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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