AP-(Caribbean) Unusual reports of organ robbing and harvesting among American tourists have risen to uncanny numbers in the past few years among Caribbean bound cruise liners. Albert Haney, from the Fort Lauderdale/ Eastern Caribbean Simple American Line Cruises believes he has the answer.
"You know the cute folded little towels and the mints you get. They are all symbols for the black market organ trade."
In a statement to the Associated Press on Monday, Haney described his eight month tour as a cabin steward among Simple American Line Cruises as a tale horror and forced towel folding. According to Haney, all towels left on passengers beds were folded in order to send coded messages to black market dissection / vivisection doctors or, more commonly known, "DVD"'s. Based on the folding of the towels and placing of the thin mints on the bed, the DVD's would then harvest the specific organs and sell them abroad.
"It was horrible! They would start selecting people from the minute they walked on board. Oh, nice hands on Mr. Robertson in Cabin 128A, Albert...make sure you fold him a bunny tonight. Or, hey Albert, Miss Barry has a nice set of peepers on her. Go fold that doggie-with-the sunglasses! Or even worse, the couple in Cabin 428C are both pimpin', Albert. Make a couple of dolphins, would you?"
Mr. Haney, who wept through most of his statement, closed by saying, "You would think towels would be the safest thing on the planet? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?"