The FBI has been caught with its tentacles in the wallets of US citizens in clear violation of the law and Attorney General Alberto "Consigliere" Gonzales says that these are not the kind of crimes he prosecutes.
AG Gonzo explains: "Crime to me is what poor people do. The FBI is far from poor and so I really don't think it's any of my business. I've worked for filthy rich people like Bush for so long that. . . well. . . how could I put the cuffs on their peeps? Send me out to bust somebody named Gomez or Gonzales, then you'll see me in action! Government can't commit crimes! It makes the laws!"