Suspicious Odor Clears Capitol Building
WASHINGTON - The Capitol Building was evacuated Friday due to a "suspicious odor." Capitol police made the decision to "scram" the building at 10:15 AM after many so-called important people within the Capitol complained of a "...
Read full storyParis Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, Partners in Nicole Richie's Driving School
Nicole Richie opened a driving school in response to driving north in the south bound traffic lanes of a Los Angeles freeway a few moths ago. Ms Richie had a rathe...
Read full storyUncle Sam Declares Tuesday Public Holiday -- Paris Release
Paris Hilton will be released from jail next Tuesday, June 26, Sheriff's spokesman Doc Holiday announced today.
Read full storyCIA's finest moments to be revealed
Washington DC - Sixty years of declassified CIA secrets will be revealed next week when the US spying agency pulls the wraps off its finest hours. These promise to include details of all illegal domestic surveillance operations, assassination plot...
Read full storyParis Hilton announces new television series
(Los Angeles, CA) Media whore Paris Hilton has announced her upcoming reality series "Bitches Behind Bars" to air on the FOX channel this Fall.
Read full storyDavid Beckham scraps L.A deal and is on his way to Bolton!
David Beckham is not going to L.A galaxy! In an exclusive interview with TheSpoof.com, Becks' agent told us he will instead be going to Bolton Wanderers FC, that the contract has been signed and every thing is in place.
Read full storyGlastonbury downpour "first decent wash of the year for many"
Glastonbury - (Fragrant Press): Organisers of this year's Glastonbury Festival have said the relentless downpours have been a huge blessing in disguise and probably the closest that the majority of the 180,000 scrofulous long-haired hippies have...
Read full storyYahoo signs six Asians for mobile search
Six mobile phone street urchins in Asia have agreed to use Yahoo's oneSearch mobile search engine.
Read full storyDoctor Fanny and Britney's vagina
Top gynaecologist Dr Fanny Hole has hit out at the ignorance shown by the critics of Britney Spears's 'vagina' pictures.
Read full storyIdaho racist convention set to get underway
(Boise, ID) Hotels are anxiously preparing for the upcoming Arian Nation National Convention next month. Restaurants and retail stores are also gearing up with specials and new window displays. Local grease pit Dogs is offering a Bigot Burger with...
Read full storyIran's Amadinejad Makes Nice To U.S.
(Tehran) - Anti-American radical Iranian president, Mahmoud Amadinejad, narrowly escaped serious injury yesterday when a launched U.S. made missile flew off course in Iraq, entered Iran, cruised through downtown Tehran, and flew right through Amadine...
Read full storyChastity Ring Teen promotes Chastity Belt
A GIRL of 16, fighting a ban that forbids her from wearing a ring to school that symbolizes her commitment to chastity, has now withdrawn her High Court action after criticisms that the legal action is an wasteful challenge to human rights legislatio...
Read full storyBlackstone Goes Public
The private equity firm Blackstone has now gone public for 41 billion. With the movie Evan Almighty a disappointment at the box office on Friday, Americans had little else to do but bid up the price of Blackstone from 31 to 35 dollars.
Read full storyLachapelle stunned at Love's possible admission of guilt
At a recent Hollywood soiree, Courtney Love became the subject for a stage hypnotist. Love barked like a dog and danced a tasteful striptease, according to boyfriend David Lachapelle.
Read full storyMardi Gras legislation to enforce curfew for youth
(New Orleans, LA) Mardi Gras has a long, rich history of being a celebration of hedonism. Unfortunately, one tradition has caused many headaches for police: flashing for beads.
Read full storyColumbo New Tory Leader
In a shock move towards 'justice and fairness', the Conservatives have thrown out David Cameron and replaced him with the television detective Columbo. Mr Columbo takes over immediately, with Cameron taking over at the Department Of The North...
Read full storyTony Blair Appointment As Palestinian Envoy
Washington Toast - Partnered with starting a war on false information a few miles away, and managing to turn that area of the world into a tinder box, George Bush is making plans to appoint good friend Tony Blair special envoy to oversee Palestinian...
Read full storyParis Hilton dating Ron Paul. Offered VP on Republican Ticket
Paris Hilton wants to be President of the United States of America. In an exclusive interview with this reporter yesterday in her scum-sucking putrid rat-infested jail cell, Paris was blunt: "Being President? Hot!"...
Read full storyMan on Street refuses to join Brown's Cabinet
A man on the street told our reporter that he had refused to join Prime Minister in Waiting Gordon Brown's Cabinet.
Read full storyVenezuela Praises U.S.A.
(Caracus) - Venezuelan dictator, Hugo Chavez, changed his anti-American tune yesterday when a U.S. made missile was accidentally launched through his presidential bathroom window.
Read full storyBush Defecates on Constitution in Disturbing Late-night Ceremony
WASHINGTON - "Disturbing" is the best word this reporter can use to describe the incidents that took place at the White House over the Memorial Day weekend.
Read full storyNazi movie will end Cruise's career
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Tom Cruise has been warned that the $200 million he's borrowed from Merrill Lynch to make the Nazi movie "Valkyrie" for United Artists will end his career and personally bankrupt him.
Read full storyMinister of Spiritual Inner Awareness bats for Paris & Nicole
Sally Kirkland, (63) American actress, nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actress in 1987 for Anna, has led a 'Free Paris' protest with six supporters outside of Lynwood jail. As a minister in the Church of The Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness she also prayed for Nicole Richie.
Read full storyLewis Hamilton Wins Again
Formula One sensation Lewis Hamilton has won again - this time at Royal Ascot.
Read full storyNo UK Papal visit for Ratzinger until God's Banker assassin behind bars
Vatican - (Ass mess): "Holy Father we are completely and utterly f***ed," UK Prime Monster Tony Blair told the Pope today at his meeting at the Vatican.
Read full storyParis Hilton To Become Nun
(Los Angeles) - After a brief meeting with the pope, Hilton heiress Paris will shed her party girl image and become a nun.
Read full storySpice Girls reunion tour
The former girl group, the Spice Girls, have unfortunately been tempted out of retirement by the promise of £10 million each for a 25-date 'farewell' tour.
Read full storyMillennium Dome To Reopen In Bid To Curb Smokers' Angst
The Millennium Dome, the 'blot on the landscape' of the Greenwich peninsula, and the subject of many a 'bar room titter', has been earmarked for reopening on the eve of the Public Smoking Ban
Read full storyBlair caves in to EU
Soon-to-be ex-Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has signed away the rights to his wife Cherie at the recent EU summit in Brussels.
Read full storyBig Brother Seany Leaves In A Flood Of Tears
Irishman Seany O'Kane last night became the second housemate to be evicted by the general public from Channel 4's Big Brother show.
Read full storyQPR Congratulated In Chinese Takeaway Promotion Match Debacle
Queens Park Rangers have been commended by the Football Association after exercising "considerable restraint" after enduring extreme intimidation during their 'friendly' match against the China Olympic team on 7th February this year. The game, at...
Read full storyBlair to convert to Islam
Prime Minister Tony Blair is to convert to Islam once he leaves office, it has been announced. A spokesman said "Tony has always been interested in Islam and has many Moslem friends in other countries, such as President Mubarak of Egypt and more...
Read full storyDVLA Allows Proxies To Take Driving Tests
In light of the revelations today by The Driving Standards Agency (DSA) which says that tens of thousands of people are paying fraudsters to sit their driving test for them, the DVLA has introduced measures to allow "proxies" to take incomp...
Read full storyRick Hilton Buys LA Correctional Institute
According to knowledgeable insiders, Rick Hilton, grandson of famous hotelier Conrad Hilton and father of Paris Hilton, today closed a rush real estate deal that makes him sole owner of the LA Century Regional Detention Facility.
Read full storyCanada to Build Fence Across Its Southern Border
Due to the skyrocketing cost of healthcare, 46 million US citizens, who have no health insurance, are facing bankruptcy, destitution, and premature death. Now, thousands of desperate US citizens have begun sneaking over the border to take advantage...
Read full storyMoro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) decide to change name
Southern Philippines (Reuterus) - The Moro Islamic Liberation Front (or MILF), a Muslim separatist rebel group and breakaway faction of the Moro National Liberation Front (or MNLF), has voted to change their name.
Read full storyWhere do pens come from?
I just checked my desk drawer. I must have over a hundred pens in there. They seem to proliferate. Sometimes I think they actually breed! Every time I turn around I have a new pen in my pocket. The odd thing is -- I haven't actually bought one in at least 20 years!...
Read full storyShevchenko Transfer Confirmed
Revealing the worst kept secret in world football, Chelsea this morning announced Andriy Shevchenko would not be returning to Stamford Bridge for the coming season, to be replaced by a shock signing from Asia. The surprising part of the deal is that...
Read full storyChristensen or Depp to portray ghost of INXS lead singer Hutchence
HOLLYWOOD - The ghost of Mike L. Hutchence will reportedly be played by Hayd N. Christensen or John E. Depp in a rumored new film produced by Morg N. Freeman.
Read full storyUNMOVIC move to disband
NEW YORK (WTF News) - The United Nations Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission (UNMOVIC for short), whose mandate was to disarm Iraq of its weapons of mass destruction, has officially been recommended by UK/US authorities to stand-down f...
Read full storyGlastonbury Touts Make Record Profits
Despite the efforts of festival organisers to stamp out the practise, Glastonbury has once again been a profitable weekend for the touts, with The Who and Girls Aloud among the worst hit.
Read full storyTest-fest Plans Nixed
Black Rock Desert - By order of the Commissioner of Major League Baseball ("Bud" Selig) the First Annual 'Burning Manhood' festival has been turned off as quickly as it was turned on.
Read full storyGolf Ball Poaching on the Rise
THAILAND (UPI) - Recent statistics show that golf driving ranges and hazards provide good cover for a rapidly-growing problem known as golf ball poaching.
Read full storyCanadian Pork Processing Plant Shutdowns Lead to Braunschweiger Shortage
LOS ANGELES - Unseasonably high Braunschweiger prices throughout the region are being blamed on unexpected Canadian pork processors shutting down their plants for extended maintenance.
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