Black Rock Desert - By order of the Commissioner of Major League Baseball ("Bud" Selig) the First Annual 'Burning Manhood' festival has been turned off as quickly as it was turned on.
Due to the impending likelihood that Barry Bonds will break Hank Aaron's lifetime record of 755 home runs, Commissioner Selig does not want the testosterone-fueled event to possibly interfere with his player's concentration.
"Have you seen the size of his head?" Selig asked. "I mean, he really has to concentrate."
In other news, this year's Tour de Franz is expected to be one of the slowest ever due to a much more robust anti-doping campaign. Said one rider, "I am afraid to even have an Altoid because I might test positive for something."