Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 23 June 2007

image for QPR Congratulated In Chinese Takeaway Promotion Match Debacle
The entire QPR team were taken to hospital

Queens Park Rangers have been commended by the Football Association after exercising "considerable restraint" after enduring extreme intimidation during their 'friendly' match against the China Olympic team on 7th February this year.

The game, at QPR's training ground, was arranged to further East-West relations, and to promote the newly-opened Yellow Streak Chinese Takeaway in Shepherd's Bush.

The game got off to a good start in front of a decent crowd, but tempers became a little frayed as the game wore on, and with 15 minutes to go with Rangers leading 20-0, all hell broke loose.

Chinese defender Zheng Tao, who, only five minutes earlier, had been yellow-carded for constantly clearing his throat, aimed a neck-high tackle at Rangers' assistant manager Richard Hill on the touchline, when he failed to return the ball for a Chinese throw-in quickly enough.

Referee Dermot Gallagher thought that the offence was so serious that, not only did he award Tao the red card, but also had the player escorted to Heathrow Airport and put on the next flight back to Beijing.

Gao Lin of the Olympic karate squad then felled Furlong with a finely executed chop to the striker's neck, and the Rangers' goalkeeper was clattered by Kung Fu champion Lu Zheng's vicious attack which left him needing a new set of testicles.

Despite the violence, the game ended in a gentlemanly fashion, with handshakes all round and only one death threat.

Ranger's chairman Gianni Paladini said:

"It was a good run-out for the lads, but we won't be inviting any Chinese teams over again!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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