Written by Neilos

Saturday, 23 June 2007

image for Potential Murderer Released Early
They could be freed too: Students in English class at Wormwood Scrubs

In an unprecented move, outgoing Home Secretary John Reid has granted early release to potential murderer Albert Toshack, 4, from Wirral.

The Merseyside Pre-Crime Division, having been shown some of Albert's drawings by his concerned mother, stated that the four-year-old had 'the potential to commit an act of murder', but the Home Secretary decided that a custodial sentence would not be appropriate at this time.

"With the current overcrowding in the prison system, it is prudent to show some restraint," explained Mr Reid's spokesman. "We feel the correct decision was made regarding Albert. You never know, he could get no further than stealing hub-caps and robbing Superdrug. He'll never kill anyone in London anyway."

Critics have reacted with fury over the move, which could pave the way for thousands of similar children to be freed. Michael Winner, a long-time campaigner for the rights of the victim, spoke to our reporters from his Hampstead home.

"It's an outrage that the Home Secretary can condone the early-release of potential murderers," he stormed. "Our Pre-Crime Divisions have worked tirelessly to jail thousands of potential murderers before they even start school, and their work is being undermined. I'm furious! In fact, I'm going to go down to Whitehall and bloody shoot him myself!"

Last night, the Metropolitan Police confirmed they were holding a 96-year-old man on suspicion of potential murder.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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