Spoof news stories from Friday 26 June 2009
Michael Jackson's Ghost interrupts Jarvis Cocker's 'set' at Glastonbury.
In a strange turn of irony, 'Pulp' front man Jarvis Cocker's set was interrupted by the ghost of Michael Jackson moonwalking across the stage - as he sang some dire dirges at Glastonbury today.
Jarvis 18 lbs famously mooned Michael Jackson at the...
Culkin: May Your Neverland Dreams Live Forever
LOS ANGELES COUNTY, CA - "Maybe now everyone will remember the man for his achievements and legacy he's left behind, rather than his faults and his allegations," said Macaulay Carson Culkin, of his close friend and "undercover lover" Michael Jackson'...
Chicago Minorities Plead to UN to Send Troops to Halt Bloodshed!
In an impassioned plea, a group of terrified minority Chicago Residents petitioned the United Nations Security Council to send armed Peace Keepers to this war torn bullet riddled lawless city now subjected to over 40 years of Democratic Rule.
Chi...
Michael Jackson's face will still do UK tour
After the sad demise of one of the greatest pop stars in history today, Michael Jackson's management team announced that his UK tour would still go ahead, with his face performing the concerts.
'Yes', PR agent Jack McJackson said, 'Michael's face...
BBC Chief Economics Correspondent assassination target in London restaurant shoot-out
St Johns Wood, London - (Rioters): "Was it something I said about the recession?" bewildered BBC journalist Hugh Pym queried this evening recalling how a crazed, masked gunman burst into Harry Morgan's restaurant in St Johns Wood High Street befo...
Obama/Sharpton train to convey Jackson's remains home to Gary, Indiana on final tour; seats already sold out!
Gary, Indiana - Steel Worker News - Obituary Page -- This blue collar steel driven town of coal dust, sweat, and union workers, prepared to welcome home one of its own, as Departed Pop Icon Michael Jackson was declared a "national treasure" by Pres...
This Is It: Michael Jackson's Last [Unpublished] Interview
This interview was made 15 days before the King of Pop passed away.
In London for his This Is It "comeback" concert performances, Michael Jackon's getting all ready for his last interview... But who knew?
His publicist was there, and the publicist's assistant. Jackson' tour manager chatted with a secretary who tapped non-stop on a pink laptop. Bodyguards stood by the door, while Christian Au...
Michael Jackson Investigators Find Skeleton Under House
Investigators investigating the spookily mysterious and totally unexpected death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, have made a gruesome discovery under the star's house at his Neverland ranch - what looks like a human skeleton.
Jackson, 51, die...
Jackson's Hyperbaric Chamber Failed, Say Engineers
LOS ANGELES, CA - The tragic loss of the King of Pop has been blamed on the mechanical failure of a crucial valve used to regulate the pressure in Jackson's hyperbaric chamber, say hydro-mechanical engineers who inspected the equipment earlier today...
Michael Jackson Autopsy Results Leaked to Press
The preliminary results of the Michael Jackson autopsy were leaked to the press this afternoon in Southern California. The autopsy confirms that the King of Pop suffered a massive coronary and died due to loss of heart function.
The autopsy also...
Warning! This is not a Wacko spoof, just an Eminem piss taking R(I)AP!
Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) refuse to jump on the Wacko Jacko bandwagen by not sending their filthy, scumbag reporters into the Wacko funeral parlour. Therefore Jaggedone sent one of his intrepid CIA reporters into the Eminem house...
Man With World's Smallest Penis On "We Like Candy" Cover
Penis Minus Wilson (not his real name) will be on the cover of "We Like Candy" next month after the discovery that his penis is the same size as the new "fun size" candy treats.
"How about that?" Wilson asked a writer for the Candy Magazine. Turns...
Michael Jackson Story Lands Teenage Boy In Hospital
JAN JOSE, CA - Hiro Koichi, 13, of San Jose, California was hospitalized today after suffering an epileptic seizure.
Koichi, a regular contributor to his favorite spoof website, was checking on the results of a Michael Jackson story he'd written l...
No Ticket Refunds On 50 Sold Out Michael Jackson Show
Promoters of the postponed (and now cancelled) Michael Jackson tour in England have announced that they will not be able to refund any of the ticket money. Those holding tickets for the concerts, cancelled due to the death of Jackson, should "keep t...
General Michael Jackson stunned by Twitter condolence book
London - (NATO Military Intelligence Mess): "At first I suspected it was a secret coded message from my old pal in combat Gen Colon Bowel!" former UK Chief of General Staff General Sir Michael David "Mike" Jackson, GCB, CBE, DSO, DL, told reporte...
Surge of government scares 'on the way'
Hundreds of ridiculous government scares could be emerging each week by the autumn, Labour spin doctors say. Sir Campbell McUnelectable said the most likely scenario was that the UK would see a surge of scares as the general election approaches.
O...
Proof of Racist practices in the NHS! Whites and Brits are non-desirable employees!
The latest scandal to rock the NHS and Labour Party has been reported and exclusively divulged via Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) to the world after an investigation into racist Hospital employment practices.
CIA special health and...
Micheal Jackson's last meal
Micheal Jackson's last meal has been revealed.
He ate lots of cheese and a big bag of carrots. It might have contributed to his death. Then again, it might not.
The day before he was seen eating a hamburger and drinking a cup of his own urine.
North Korea To Drop Gay Nuclear Bomb On USA
Pyongyang NK-- President Kim Il Jong of North Korea has a secret weapon in his arsenal and plans to use it July 4th. The 'Dear Leader' has the Gay Nuclear Bomb, and once it explodes, all the straight people in the USA will be totally gay.
The Gay...
Micheal Jackson was killed by Bubbles
Micheal Jackson may have been the victim of his beloved chimp Bubbles.
The mischievous monkey was a known sex offender (which is why Jackson bought him in the first place) and had a legendary temper which could turn nasty in an instant.
Mysteri...
Michael Jackson converted to scientology before dying
Micheal Jackson converted to the Church of Scientology before his sudden death last night.
The 'King of Poo Poo' apparently made the decision after watching a Tom Cruise movie in which Tom Cruise takes off his shirt and makes love to a woman weari...
Michael Jackson was Pregnant
Shocking reports are being heard coming from the inner sanctum of the Jackson death ranch saying that the beloved 'King of Poop' was pregnant when he died.
The states coroner's office have refused to either acknowledge of refute the suggestions th...
Michael Jackson "King of Pop" dies on the toilet like Elvis
It has been reported by unconfirmed sources that the undisputed 'King of Pop' Michael Jackson died while engaged in unblocking his rectum on a gold-plated toilet.
The star had just completed a rigorous training session involving weightlifting smal...
Jackson DEAD - Doctor Goes Missing
A live-in doctor who shared a home with dead bloke Michael Jackson has inexplicably gone on the lam following the most talented musician ever's allegedly drug induced demise.
Reports from the UK appear to suggest that the physician is serial killi...
The REAL Reason Why Michael Jackson Died!
Amongst all the other conspiracy theories that are awash on the Internet, and there is ONE which is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Of all the places to find the truth, The Thespoof.com is the one place that people would not lo...
Michael Jackson Tour To Go Ahead As Planned
Los Angeles, CA - It has been announced by Michael Jackson's agent, Rudy Goodfella, that the planned Michael Jackson Tour in Britain will go ahead as planned.
"We intend to continue on, in spite of Michael's passing. Michael Jackson was one of the...
New York Post Wins Award For Michael Jackson Death Headline.
Following the death of Michael Jackson, probably the world's greatest ever musical talent in Los Angeles, writers all over the world racked their brains to come up with eye catching headlines.
However, all comers were battered into oblivion by The...
Mark Sanford and Eliot Spitzer To Form Bi-Partisan Independent Party
(New York-NY) At a press conference held today at New York's Saint Regis hotel, former New York State Governor Eliot Spitzer and South Carolina State Governor Mark Sanford announced that they would be forming an independent party. Or as former Govern...
Michael Jackson Owed Me A Fiver Claim
Salford janitor Donald Skoob contacted theSpoof.com today to tell us that as far as he's concerned, deceased pop singer Michael Jackson, who was more talented than Mozart according to some sources, owed him £5
Jackson, who died approximately $500m...
Wacko Jacko Sorrow - Bono
Bono broke down when he heard the news of Michael Jackson's passing.
"He did what"? "He had a doctor inject pain killer into his bloodstream"? "WTF is that about"?
Thus the famous singer and saviour of the world greeted Jackson's death amidst t...
Michael Jackson Spotted In Mumbai, Geraldo Leaves Immediately
Stories of Michael Jackson's death came as a surprise everywhere but not nearly so much as in Mumbai.
The people there say Jackson was seen this morning although no one saw him up close.
"It was Jackson", says Marithi Thackery who has seen Jack...
Michael Jackson Died During Gay Demon Exorcism
Los Angeles, CA - Entertainer, Michael Jackson, 'The King Of Pop', died yesterday after the result of going into cardiac arrest at his home in the hills above Los Angeles.
It has come to light that he may have been involved in a 'homosexual demon...
Jacko died bankrupt
Los Angeles - (Insolvent Ass Mess): "Even his reputed ownership of the Beatles Songbook was a class-act whopper, right off the Richter scale!" was how one LA lawyer described Michael Jackson's estate following the FBI's freezing of all the singer's a...
Deborah Rowe fights move for Jackson's children to be made royal wards of court
London - (ReUterus): Grieving former Michael Jackson nanny/hired womb-with-a-view bimbo Deborah Rowe is said to be hiring royal divorce lawyer Fiona Shackleton to stop a High Court bid that would make the dead singer's three children royal wards of c...
Santilli autopsy findings awaited at Jackson morgue
Los Angeles - (Alien Ass Mess): Fabled alien autopsy specialist Ray Santilli hopes to add Michael Jackson to his tally of extraterrestrial post-mortems having already cleaned up with Anna Nicole Smith and Jade Goody.
Santilli flew last night into...
Michael Jackson is dead and 'Brit Award' saboteur Jarvis Cocker is banned from the funeral
Media demon Michael Jackson 50 is dead causing the world media to go into shock. Some tabloids speculate he died to get back into the limelight after the rise of Susan Boyle and the illnesses of Jade Goody, Farah Fawcett and Patrick Swayze. However t...
Cops probe Jackson 'greedy bastard' gig promoter's £500m 'losses'
London - (OMFG! Ass Mess): Self-confessed 'greedy bastard' concert promoter David Campbell, CEO of AEG Europe, is being probed by police after advance box office takings 'in excess of £500 million' vanished from the O2 Arena's London bank accounts.
Michael Jackson dies and the press use the same Jade Goody condolences speech!
Micheal Jackson King of pop and the press's pop paedophile has finally kicked the bucket causing the press to be unprepared hence they are using the same hypocritical speech they cobbled together for fellow media demon Jade Goody.
Papers hurriedly...
Princess Diana Fountain boils over at exact moment of Jackson death
Hype Park, London - (Rotten Ass Mess): Royal Perks Agency operatives have cordoned off the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain after it began "seething like a witches' cauldron" at the exact moment of singer Michael Jackson's death on Thursday...
Uri Geller reckons Jackson death 'just like Anna Nicole Smith'
Tel Aviv - (AssoCIAted Mess): "Yeah, toxic leaking implants and a lethal meds cocktail," former Mossad stooge Uri Geller said today commenting on the death of longtime friend Michael Jackson, "and that's what also killed my other pal, Anna Nicole Smi...
Bankers for starters, Politicians for Main, and for desert?
The power hungry British public has gone though the menu and must be now looking for something sweeter to chew on.
Having spent months dining on the fat cat bankers and their apparently inhumane bonus', their appetite switched to a meatier shot at the politicians. It turned out they had eyes bigger than their belly. Expense scandals were akin to Iranian votes, coming from everywhere. The m...
Obama: Jackson was my brother
Washington AC/DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): US President Barack Obama has spoken for the first time about the secret geneaological links between himself and the tribute act who made such a killing as singer Michael Jackson.
"We were brothers under the s...
Michael Jackson Publicity Stunt Goes Too Far, Say Critics
Fans of the pop star Michael Jackson have gathered outside his tiny home in Los Angeles to pledge their undying love and support for the singer, but several of his opponents have spoken out, saying that his latest publicity stunt is a step too far.
Bodily de-Africanization of Jackson DNA a Pentagon triumph
Area 51, Groom Lake, Nevada - (X-Files Mess): US military psychic surgeons are adamant: the Pentagon's rock-solid guarantee that Michael Jackson's physical transformation from African American to de-Negroised white-skinned father of three Causasian b...
Farrah Fawcett Spokesman Says She Was NOT "The King Of Pop"
The spokesman for Farrah Fawcett would like to announce that Ms. Fawcett, who passed away yesterday, was NOT known as the King of Pop!
Bill Rebacher, who was also a friend of the late actress says that he is getting pretty doggone tired of teens a...
Ed McMahon Estate Sues Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett Estates
The estate of late entertainer Ed McMahon has sued the estates of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. Lawyers for the late Tonight Show sidekick say that Jackson and Fawcett stole deserved and scheduled publicity from their client with their prematu...
Jacko Death Hoax - What Went Wrong?
Michael Jackson had spent the last two years of his life planning an elaborate death hoax, an insider revealed this morning. Having seen how record sales skyrocketed after the sudden death of his ex-Father-in-law Elvis Presley, Jacko started making p...
Feds probe Jackson suicide theory
Neverland - (Toxic Ass Mess): Toxicology tests on Michael Jackson have revealed a high level of blood in the singer's cocaine count according to an FBI statement issued via the City Morgue this morning.
Jackson, 50, swore by this ancient self-help...
Michael Jackson's DNA Says This Is Not Him!
A police coroner shocked everyone this morning when he announced that the body brought in to the hospital was NOT the real Michael Jackson.
Through DNA testing and comparing them with Jackson's DNA fo years ago, someone has been impersonating Jack...
Bizarre Findings In Michael Jackson Autopsy
Los Angeles CA-- Autopsy results for the late Michael Jackson were conducted early today by the FBI and Los Angeles Police Department. Special Agent Dana Scully-Mulder conducted the autopsy because of some "unusual" marks on the singer's heart. The...
Michael Jackson NOT DEAD!
There was confusion across the world this morning when, after it had initially been reported that superstar singer Michael Jackson had died after suffering a cardiac arrest at his Los Angeles home, HE APPEARED LIVE ON BBC TV LAST NIGHT!
Jackson ha...
Michael Jackson O2 Dates "Will Be Honoured"
It's emerged during the last half-hour that the self-styled 'King of Pop', Michael Jackson, who died suddenly last night, WILL honour his commitment to complete 50 shows at London's O2 Arena next month.
The singer died last night in Los Angeles af...
Prince Philip linked to death of Jacko and Diana
As the World comes to term with the death of the legendary King of Pop Michael Jackson, Buckingham Palace rejected claims that JACKO'S death had been arranged by Prince Philip.
The 87 year old prince was reported to have been seen by witnesses sc...
Michael Jackson O2 Dates Cancelled
It's been reported in the last few minutes, that Michael Jackson, the self-styled King of Pop who was due to start a 50-date string of appearances at the O2 Arena in London in July, has been forced to cancel the shows, due to ill-health.
Jackson,...
Michael Jackson death leaves 'King Of Pop' vacancy
The sad, unexpected and untimely death of Michael Jackson has left a void at the top of the pop tree, which has created a rush of applicants for the position of 'King Of Pop.'
Early frontrunners include Adam Lambert, Justin Timberlake and citing e...
Colonel Sanford Brings South Carolina Fried Beaver to Argentina
South Carolina Governor, philanderer and restauranteur Mark Sanford has promised to bring his American chain of SCFB to the cities and countrysides of Argentina. Colonel Sanford's South Carolina Fried Beaver has been abig hit all across the American...
Sanford Hikes from South Carolina to Argentina in Ten Days
Hiking from South Carolina to Argentina even when adultery has been the goal has often taken months at a time. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has achieved what seems to be the impossible by walking from Charleston, South Carolina to Buenos Aire...
Sanford Finds Wormhole
South Carolina Governor and ladykiller Mark Sanford claims to have discovered a wormhole in the Appalachian mountains. Sanford was hiking the world renowned trail on father's day weekend while his life long spouse and his children had no idea where h...
Michael Jackson Leaves Everything To Macaulay Culkin
HOLLYWOOD - Michael Jackson's lawyer Erasmus Rainmaster has said that Mr. Jackson left everything to his long time friend and Neverland pal Macaulay Culkin.
The 28-year-old Culkin who starred in the 1990 blockbuster movie Home Alone was vacationin...
Mark Sanford to Play Che in Evita
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has accepted the role of the narrator, Che in a new Buenos Aires production of Evita. Sanford though a conservative Christian from the American deep south claims that he has enough Latin American experience to pul...
South Carolina Governor Sets World Hiking Record
Mark Sanford inveterate hiker and philanderer and governor of South Carolina broke a world straying record by disappearing on the Appalachian trail and reappearing in Argentina. Sanford told the Pampas Periodical that he had no idea how he ended up o...
South Carolina Governor Hiked from Home to London
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared for ten days from the gubernatorial mansion in his home state. Staff members reported that they thought that he was off hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Sanford an inveterate walker and adulterer was f...
SC Guv Sanford Named Ambassador to Argentina
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has spent so much time in Argentina that the Obama administration upon recommendation from Bill Clinton and Eliot Spitzer have appointed him as the special ambassador to the South American country. Sanford thanked...
Michael Jackson Lives! Spotted with Elvis driving a convertible Pink Cadillac
Ventura Highway, California - Do not cry Michael Jackson fans for the King of Pop is not dead. He is alive in our memories. And according to mine, he was last spotted driving down Ventura highway with the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley, behind...
Blagojevich and Wright Establish Public Relations Firm
Washington DC: Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich and retired Reverend J Wright of Chicago have established a public relations (PR) firm.
The PR firm is located on K Street and is informally referred to as B&W PR (not to be confused with...
Miley Cyrus And Adam Lambert Kicked Into Touch By Jackson News
News of the demise of the Peter Pan of Pop overshadowed any news bulettins by aspiring Spoof writers as they realised that Miley Cyrus and Adam Lambert were not going to be headline news for the next few days.
During an internet crash, which spann...
Michael Jackson Chills In Heaven With James Brown
Heaven, Universe - Enta'tainer Michael Jackson, also known as 'The King Of Pop', died yesterday afternoon in Los Angeles. He be believed to have succumbed to a heart attack although those details have yet to be released and we all know how thorough d...
Peter Pan Of Pop Has Seriously Bad Day
News just in would appear to suggest that Peter Pan of pop, and acquitted serial child abuser Michael Jackson, has had a seriously bad day.
In fact, it's been so bad that he's dead, and people can't possibly have a worse day than that.
This www...
CDC To Be Prosecuted
The Centers for Disease Control announced today that it was being sued by the Pork Farmers of America. The Pork Farmers of America, in a prepared statement, said that it was suing the CDC, said spokesperson, Jedidiah Pratt.
"The CDC's refusal to t...
Michael Jackson Fakes Death, Goes Into Hiding
LOS ANGELES, CA - Michael Jackson, reported to have died earlier today, actually faked his own death in an elaborate hoax to escape the media, says a source who asked to remain anonymous for her own protection.
She claims the body found by paramed...
Study Finds Speechlessness Not Actually Literal; Experts Speechless
NANTUCKET, MA - It gives a whole new meaning to "breaking the silence."
A revelational study to be released later today suggests that more often than not, when someone claims to be speechless, they are "not actually."
The concept was discover...
Michael Jackson Cancels Comeback!
A spokesman for Michael Jackson announced this evening that the artist has canceled his comeback and the thirty shows at Londons O2 Arena because he has died.
Michael, who was 50 years old and has been known to be a bit flighty about schedules in...
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