After the sad demise of one of the greatest pop stars in history today, Michael Jackson's management team announced that his UK tour would still go ahead, with his face performing the concerts.
'Yes', PR agent Jack McJackson said, 'Michael's face is still alive and well, and will do 33 consecutive dates at London's Gurney Arena in August. Of course, his face will have to do a slightly different stage act than previously, so out go the moonwalks and dancing with zombies, and in come the Botox and, er, zombie faces. It'll be a great show!'
Many stars were pleased at the news, and Elizabeth Facelift said 'It'll be a great treat for all the little children that were looking so forward to seeing Michael on stage, grabbing his crotch and squeaking like a demented hamster.'
'At least they'll still see his face miming along to all the classic songs. 'Snip it', 'Driller', There Goes My Summer Face', and 'Off The Operating Table' will all be played, plus of course the Jackson 5 songs, 'I Want My Skin Back', 'ABC of Skin Grafts', and 'Albino Rat'.' And his former wife Lisa-Marie added 'Hey, the great thing is that if his face doesn't feel up to any of the concerts, I have another four of them in my fridge on standby!'
Michael Jackson's face is no stranger to controversy, as in 1989 it sued the star for 'gross neglect', and filed for custody of his eyebrows, a dispute which was never been properly settled. And in Germany in 2002 Jackson held his face out of a 12th-storey window, to 'Show Paul McCartney I'm richer than he is'.
Jackson's face will follow up the UK tour with an album called 'White Men Can't Dance', which will be produced by Quincy Jones, with proceeds being donated to the Save The Children From Paedophiles charity. English rock star Jarvis Cocker was unavailable for comment.