In an impassioned plea, a group of terrified minority Chicago Residents petitioned the United Nations Security Council to send armed Peace Keepers to this war torn bullet riddled lawless city now subjected to over 40 years of Democratic Rule.
Chicago, long a bastion of corrupt Democratic Demagogues, now including the current President of the United States, a former Congressman who is the President's chief of staff, and a family rivaling the Kennedy's for its hold on the major politics in the city, the Daley Family, have finally given up trying to control
uncontrolled violence, gang wars, a 48% drop out rate in area High Schools, and devoted their time to solving problems in Iran, Gaza, North Korea, Somalia and Venezuela.
The Chicago School System, under the personal fist of mayor Richard M. Daley, the 3rd largest school district in the country with over 400,000 students and 600 buildings, most of which are substandard, now can boost 27 high school violent death fatalities.
Earlier in the week local hospitals have claimed an emergency shortage of blood to cope with the 9-15 violent shootings/knifings that are showing up every day due to the uncontrolled violence.
Officials are hoping they can contain the violence before they host the 2016 Olympics , which they have been assured by favored son Obama, they will surely win, and was a subject of an earlier spoof expose.
In a response to the impassioned plea, both Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong Il said they would be more than happy to dispatch small platoons of special riot strike forces to patrol the city, and bring lawlessness, and corruption to an end within 3 weeks.
President Obama was said to be embarrassed by the response, but was busy working on his Cap and Trade Bill, Designing a new Fiat Sports Car, interviewing additional Czars, and trying to undue the recent basketball trade that sent Shag to Cleveland to join LeBron James, all but assuring them the title at the expense of the Chicago Bulls.
"Fuck That," the former point guard reportedly said, " I'm putting Rahm on it, and we'll make LA a deal they can't refuse to get Kolbe to the Bulls..."
Speaking off the record, Kolbe said he wouldn't be moving to Chicago anytime soon, until they clean up crime...."I'm not moving there man, them Niggers are plain crazy...shoot your ass for nuffin....!"
More as Federal Funds Pour In to deal with the Problem.....