Drugs Spoof News

3 June 2023

Archbishop of Canterbury fined for speeding

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Wellbehold, has admitted that he has paid a fine after being caught speeding. The event happened two days after he crowned King Charles III at Westminster Abbey. The cleric told us, "To be honest, I was buzz…

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Iggle Piggle, Upsy Daisy and Makka Pakka held on drugs charge

Three children's TV characters are being held today after a drugs raid uncovered £1000's of heroin and cocaine. Officers from the In The Night Garden drugs squad recovered the drugs after a series of early morning raids carried out on the Pinky Po...

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Trucks used as part of Cartel drug trafficking operation

F.B.I. News: Alleged drug traffickers are using taco trucks, ice cream trucks, air conditioning repair trucks, plumbing trucks, and pizza delivery vehicles to distribute pounds of meth, cocaine and heroin, state prosecutors said Wednesday. They us…

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Drug Squad 'Yippee' at No-Deal Border Check

London, UK - The return of frisking fishermen who cross the sea into Southern England is being welcomed by UK drug enforcement interests which blame abolition of stop and search checkpoints for years of cheap and substandard cocaine from Mexico. T…

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U.S. Customs Officers In Laredo Discover 9 Pounds of Marijuana In a Woman’s Fake Ass

LAREDO, Texas – (Satire News) – The United States Department of Immigration and Customs has pretty much seen it all as far as individuals trying to smuggle illegal drugs into the U.S. Laredo Sector Director Melody G. Ventinberry, 43, reported that…

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Princess Margaret caught Aids from gangster lover/crack dealer Bindon

London - (Sordid Cold Whore Mess): Bitter and twisted mobster's moll Princess Margaret died from complications linked to Aids and cocaine addiction after becoming contaminated by her gangster crack dealer lover John Bindon according to a TV docu-dram...

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Breakfast Cereal Mascots Encourage Drug Use

A United Kingdom Rugby Player Is Caught In Portugal With 30 Pounds of Marijuana In His Tesla Truck

Crack Dealing Monks To Welcome Addicts To Monastery

Why are there more female doctors than male?

Border Patrol K-9 Veteran "Pistolero" Named The US Border Patrol Dog of The Year

The Notorious Drug Lord El Chapo Has Escaped From Sing Sing Prison

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Reunion Party Ends In Chaos And Disgrace

New Zealand Marijuana Burn Off Smoke Fills School

Colorado Was The First State To Legalize Marijuana For Recreational Use - Now California Is The First State To Legalize Cocaine For Recreational Use

Liverpool FC In Trouble After Five Fail Drug Tests

Pot Smoking Colorado College Students Have Just Discovered "The Real Rocky Mountain High!"

Cyclist Tests Positive For LSD

Strip Club Owner Bans 'Pour Some Sugar On Me"

The owner of a strip club in, yes, you guessed it... Florida, has heard the Def Leppard hit, Pour Some Sugar On Me, one too many times, and has officially banned the song from being played by any of the strippers in his club—no matter how hot they ar…

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Colombian police smash pigeon drug cartel!

A group of pigeon drug couriers has been caught "pigeon-footed" delivering drugs to Colombian prisons. Regular flights from the Colombian coca fields to the prison were no problem for the pigeons, they're all "Homeys". The only problem was that t...

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King size 'Rizla' buyers targeted by police

People who buy extra long cigarette rolling papers are likely to be followed and monitored by undercover narcotics officers according to a jointly released report commissioned by both the Irish and British Police forces. Detective Inspector Mary J...

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Switzerland Has Just Become The Cocaine Capital of Europe

BERN, Switzerland – (Satire News) – Reports filtering out of the Land of Swiss Cocoa confirm that the tiny neutral country has hit the big time regarding drugs. The Swiss Department of Hard Core Drugs is reporting that the largest drug cartel in G…

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A Sexy NFL Cheerleader Is Fired After It's Learned That She Is Dating A Drug Cartel Hitman

SECRET CITY, USA - (Sports Satire) - The NFL tired to keep this story under wraps but Hercules Confetti, a writer with The Turnstile Review, broke the story about a football cheerleader who has been dating a hitman with an infamous Guatemalan drug ca…

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New Sex Study Reveals Semen In the Crossfire

SAN DIEGO, California - Researchers have long known that sex can be fun, that people who have sex often tend to live longer, healthier lives, and that sexually active men have healthier sperm. What researchers did not know is that the collection o...

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CCN Reports 'Drug Hippos' Being Given Away by the Country of Colombia

Would anyone want a Pet Hippo? They are three tons of wet fun - but you have to live on a lake or river - or be put in a very large Hippo Pool. Colombian Drug Kingpin Pablo Escobar imported them to a Colombian river 10 years ago - when he ra…

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Isle Of Wight Outrage At Possible Landmark Name Change

Council officials have angered local bumpkins on the Isle of Wight, by suggesting they rename the famous Needles near Alum Bay, off the western point of the island. Councillor Wilf Burlap was speaking at a town meeting, called to try and increase...

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CBS New Reality Show "Arranged Marriages" Debuts with George Obama & Mom of 14!

Nairobi,Kenya/ SF/CA Combined Reality Show Mess - George Obama was bailed from jail today by Presidential Legal Counsel Greg Craig after his recent detainment for holding one (1) joint, other than his dick, in his shorts after a recent Kenyan pos...

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Monkey Dust Hits Stoke School in Daytrip Disaster

Pupils at a local Stoke-on-Trent High School were looking forward to a long-arranged day trip to a popular animal centre today, but disaster struck soon after they arrived. The schoolchildren, aged 11 to 16, were visiting the local "Monkey Forest...

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Testes are 'Prozac factories' says report

London - Women who wear sensible shoes have always suspected as much, shunning their delights over 'chemical cosh' fears. Those suspicions have now been vindicated as a report published today says anti-depressants and mood altering toxins are foun...

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Gonzalez: Jesus bumper stickers are 'insurrection'

The freedom of speech case Morse vs. Frederick involving high school student rights has come to the attention of U.S. Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales.

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Dallas Cowboys Players 'Snorted Cocaine' At Halftime, Claims Fan

The Dallas Cowboys like to do it the hard way, and they did it the hard way against Atlanta last night, after coming back from a huge first quarter deficit of 20 points, and a 29-10 halftime reverse, to steal the game away from the Falcons 'at the de…

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Researchers report Aspirin "Miracle Aphrodisiac"

The study of more than 4,000 nurses showed that those who took aspirin - usually to prevent heart disease reported a increase in their libido by more than 50%. According to resent research findings woman would become more aggressive prior to mens...

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