Pfeiffer Pharmaceuticals Denies That Their Booster Shots Contain Large Amounts of Carbohydrates
CHICAGO – (Satire News) – Executives at Pfeiffer Pharmaceuticals are upset at the rumor that their booster shots contain high amounts of carbs. Wendell W. Doorlund, who is the director of logistical fallacies, wants the American public to know tha…
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Switzerland Has Just Become The Cocaine Capital of Europe
BERN, Switzerland – (Satire News) – Reports filtering out of the Land of Swiss Cocoa confirm that the tiny neutral country has hit the big time regarding drugs. The Swiss Department of Hard Core Drugs is reporting that the largest drug cartel in G…
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U.S. Customs Officers In Laredo Discover 9 Pounds of Marijuana In a Woman’s Fake Ass
LAREDO, Texas – (Satire News) – The United States Department of Immigration and Customs has pretty much seen it all as far as individuals trying to smuggle illegal drugs into the U.S. Laredo Sector Director Melody G. Ventinberry, 43, reported that…
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The Damn Good Reason Why Dubai’s Annual Camel Races Have Been Cancelled
DUBAI, India – (Satire News) – The yearly Dubai Camel Races have been cancelled due to the fact that four of the camels tested positive for hump enhancing drugs. A spokesperson for the racing association noted that the camels appeared to look fine…
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Arizona Border Patrol Agents Discover The Longest Drug Cartel Tunnel In The History of Tunnels
RATTLESNAKE PEE, Arizona – (Satire News) – Boom Boom News has just broken the story that US Border Patrol agents have just discovered the longest tunnel ever constructed between the United States and Mexico. American tunnel expert Jose Juan Cabeza…
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Iggle Piggle, Upsy Daisy and Makka Pakka held on drugs charge
Three children's TV characters are being held today after a drugs raid uncovered £1000's of heroin and cocaine. Officers from the In The Night Garden drugs squad recovered the drugs after a series of early morning raids carried out on the Pinky Po...
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Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Reunion Party Ends In Chaos And Disgrace
Why are there more female doctors than male?
New Sex Pill Will Revolutionize Dating/Scrounging Worldwide
Cuba and Columbia Develop New Hybrid Cigar
Pharmaceuticals Company Announces New Male Pregnancy Test
Airport employs drug sniffing turtles
Olympics Postponement Has Messed Up Drug Cheats' Careful Planning
"War on Rugs" is Lost says Lord Hague
Whorse-doping drug Ketamine removed from Jackson mansion
Mexico Has Decided To Legalize Marijuana
Meth Addicted Dentist Losing Clients As He Loses His Own Teeth
PMQ titters at Miliband's 'the Chancellor has lashed himself to the mast ...not for the first time perhaps!'
Guatemala Reveals The Nation’s Most Nortorious Drug Cartel Hitwoman
GUATEMALA CITY, Guatemala – (Satire News) – Guatemala’s El Platano News Agency has just revealed that one of the country’s most notorious hitmen is actually a hitwoman. El Plat reporter Paloma Bocalinda, actually spoke with the woman in question i…
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Pot Smoking Colorado College Students Have Just Discovered "The Real Rocky Mountain High!"
YELLOW SNOW, Colorado – (Satire News) – The Hullabaloo News Agency is reporting on a new cannabis fad that the college kids of Colorado have just discovered. According to Abel Zorro, with Hully, the pot smokers in Colorado have nicknamed this new…
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Border Patrol K-9 Veteran "Pistolero" Named The US Border Patrol Dog of The Year
LAREDO, Texas – (Satire News) – Boom Boom News is reporting that the US Border Patrol has just named their “2022 US Border Patrol Dog of The Year." And the honor goes to a 7-year veteran of the US K-9 Corps, named Pistolero. Pistolero, a German…
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US Border Patrol K-9 Units Are Now Patrolling The US-Mexico Border
LAREDO, Texas – (Satire News) – iNews reports that the United States Border Patrol has just implemented The Roaming Border Pooches Program. This search and find program is the brain child of VP Harris, and in just the first two days, has been resp…
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Grumpy Happy as Doc Gets Dopey then Sent to Celebrity Rehab
Snow White and the seven dwarfs are back in the news after fifteen years of living in comfort and relative obscurity in their own private Hollywood Hills complex. Despite lucrative profit sharing from their last re-mastered DVD release, the troubles...
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Dallas Cowboys Players 'Snorted Cocaine' At Halftime, Claims Fan
The Dallas Cowboys like to do it the hard way, and they did it the hard way against Atlanta last night, after coming back from a huge first quarter deficit of 20 points, and a 29-10 halftime reverse, to steal the game away from the Falcons 'at the de…
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Bezos-Musk, Inc., Is In The Process of Developing a Pill That When Taken Orally Will Totally Eradicate The Omicron X Virus In Just 30 Minutes
AUSTIN – (Satire News) – Move over Pizer, Moderna, and Johnson & Johnson, there is a new sheriff in town and his name is Bezos-Musk. The largest corporation in the world has just informed their entire staff of pharmaceutical scientists to put…
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Iowa Has Become a Mecca For Guatemalan Drug Cartel Traffic
CORN SHUCK, Iowa – (Satire News) – As astounding as it may sound, the “Fly-Over” state of Iowa has become the new Mecca for drug trafficking. An independent poll taken by the highly reputable Quinnipinni Polling Agency found that Iowa has now repl…
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Seven Dwarves Admit To Identity Of "High Ho"
The seven dwarves, who marched to their jobs in their diamond mine singing "High Ho, High Ho, it's off to work we go" have finally admitted to the identity of their "high ho." The woman, whose name has been kept secret by the group for several years...
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Overwhelmed Substance Abuse Counselor Pleas With General Managers And Corporate To Reduce Alcohol And Drug Testing For The Sake Of Production
Grand Rapids, Michigan. After deeply reflecting on the fact that Timber Tech's Best Craft Furniture & Decking Boards, Inc. would be on the verge of an irreversible collapse if the company kept routinely testing its employees at various Midwester…
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Breakfast Cereal Mascots Encourage Drug Use
GOLDEN VALLEY, MN - For years, parents have believed what they were giving their children for breakfast were completely innocent, nutritious, and healthy, sugar-laden cereals. Anti-drug activists, however, have revealed that those naive parents were...
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Oregon Legalizes Meth, Puts Sudafed behind the Counter
Portland - Oregon today passed legislation which outlaws the possession or sale of pseudoephedrin based cold medicines while legalizing crystal meth. Said Governor Kulongoski, "It's not the drugs themselves that are the problem, it's t...
Read full storyFunny Drugs Headlines
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Princess Margaret caught Aids from gangster lover/crack dealer Bindon
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Researchers report Aspirin "Miracle Aphrodisiac"
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Colombian police smash pigeon drug cartel!
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Bong hits The Biltmore as Amanda Bynes busted for weed
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Am I crazy, or am I lead deficient?
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Monkey Dust Hits Stoke School in Daytrip Disaster
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Crack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul
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Man On Downtown New York Street Corner Asked If He's Got Any Toilet Paper
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NBA: Drug Testing, Groupies, and the Bubble
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Biden Tucks $100m In Stimulus For American Made Meth
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Smack addicts 'suffering from congenital cannabis deficiency'
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Cops warn radioactive cocaine may have killed spook
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Keith Richards in Horse sedation Row
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Entire Town Arrested for Failing Drug Test
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Colombian-registered crack sub drifting in Thames estuary
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Glasgow Patter: The Big Hoose
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Junky Violinist Banned From BBC Radio 3 Forever
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Cameron Accepts Tony Montana As New Advisor
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Archaeologists find Henry VIII's bongs under Hampton Court Palace ha-ha
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Potheads Demand Colorado Reduce Speed Limit To 30 MPH
