SECRET CITY, USA - (Sports Satire) - The NFL tired to keep this story under wraps but Hercules Confetti, a writer with The Turnstile Review, broke the story about a football cheerleader who has been dating a hitman with an infamous Guatemalan drug cartel.
The hot, sexy, big boobed rah rah girl was identified as Valerie Rizzmic, 26, who cheered for three years with the (NFL TEAM NAME WITHELD BY REQUEST).
Rizzmic admitted that her boyfriend is in fact a professional hitman with Guatemala's Tapachula Hombres Drug Cartel
The cheerleader spoke with Confetti and asked why she should be punished because her boyfriend JUST happens to be a cruel, heartless hitman and not a doctor, or a lawyer, or even a stand up comedian.
She was not given an answer.
SIDENOTE: The Turnstile Review has learned that the unnamed NFL team secretly paid Miss Rizzmic $3.5 million to simply fade away into the sunset.
