Mary Poppins Held On Drug Charges

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Monday, 31 May 2010

image for Mary Poppins Held On Drug Charges
Mary Poppins In Cell Block H On B Wing In 1967 - The Year After England Last Won The World Cup.

Mary Poppins, the famous nanny, was once again being held at Paddington Green police station on suspicion of possession of illegal drugs, with intent to supply.

Poppins, 82 who was immortalised in the 1964 film Mary Poppins, as portrayed by Julie Andrews, is suspected of supplying hallucinogenic drugs to minors in her care in order to keep them in good order.

A concerned parent we spoke to told us:

"She was always a bit weird, and when she handed the kids back they always seemed kind of spaced out. They'd talk about stuff like cartoons being real and drinking tea on the ceiling, and then they'd start singing these really off the wall songs. This woman is evil. They ought to lock her up and throw the door away."

A friend of Poppins, Bert the chimney sweep, is heading up a 'Free Mary Poppins' campaign. Bert, immortalised by Dick Van Dyke's portrayal of him in the 1964 film, told us:

"She's blinkin' well innocent. Everybody knows that. I mean, cor blimey luv a duck and bless 'er little cotton socks, she ain't no blinkin' drug dealer, and she sure as eggs is eggs wouldn't give acid or skunk or any of that malarkey to the blinkin' nippers. Be more than 'er gor blimey job's worth. Innit. She's been me blinkin' mate for years and I chooses me mates like I chooses me brush bristles - with great bloomin' care. Chim chim cheroo, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, spoonful of sugar 'elps the methadone go down and that, mate. Innocent's wot she is I tells yer an' no mistake"

Poppins has previous on drug related charges, and has spent several sojourns in HMP Holloway, where she was known to fellow inmates as Queenie. And ran B Wing, from cell block H, with an iron fist.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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