Michael Gove, one of eleven Conservative MPs vying for the job of party leader, has said that the fact that he "took cocaine on several occasions more than 20 years ago" should not affect his bid to become Britain's prime minister.
Gove, ironically the justice secretary between 2015 and 2016, took the banned drug whilst he was working as a journalist, but it didn't do him any harm, did it?
"I was young and spirited. I was invited to lots of parties, and, well, you know, you try these things, don't you? Of course, I 'tried these things' repeatedly, but there was no harm done. Move on."
It was pointed out to him that drug addicts tend to start off in this way, but then come off the rails, becoming the scourge of society in the process, and attracting the hatred of Tory shitbags, just like himself.
"It's a matter of opinion, of course, but I don't think I, personally, 'came off the rails'. I am as good a candidate for the Tory party leadership as any other."
This, sadly, may prove frighteningly true.
On the subject of whether or not a British prime minister should ever be someone who has broken the law by committing an offence that, had he been caught, would have landed him in jail, the barmy MP said:
"Look, this is not the Victorian age. These things happen. It's all in the past. In another twenty years, the whole Cabinet will be a bunch of junkies, so let's not get carried away. It's not a perfect scenario, I agree, but we should be able to both forgive and forget. Especially forget."