WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The US Customs Agency is reporting that due to the cocaine shortage in Colombia, US drug dealers are having to resort to importing secondary cocaine from Portugal.
The government of Portugal has expressed to the United States that the cocaine that is grown, harvested, and shipped out of Portugal has the seal of approval of The World Cocaine Guild (WCG).
When asked why there is a cocaine shortage in Colombia, a source who wished to remain anonymous for fear of ending up in five or six different places, said that the problem is due to an infestation of the Crazy Cocaine Humping Beetles, which entered into Colombia by way of Colombian freighters that were traveling from Puerto Las Nalgas, Cuba to Colombia.
And speaking of The Trumpturd, a source inside the Mar-a-Lago Complex reports that the Toxic Twat is extremely depressed at the recent QuinniPinni Poll which shows that NOW jock itch is more popular than him.
Meanwhile, lately El Racista, as DJT is called in Spanish Harlem, has been observed hitting his head against a palm tree on several occasions. ■