Crack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 20 June 2019

image for Crack Cocaine Worth 75p Seized In Drugs Haul
Some sugar, with a misleading image of a syringe to 'drag' you in

Police have made a drugs bust in the northern port city of Hull, and believe they may have smashed a vital cog in the distribution of narcotics in East Yorkshire.

A 24-year-old man riding a decrepit, old bicycle through the Orchard Park council estate was stopped by two officers who asked to examine the contents of a plastic bag he was carrying, whereupon 'a 1kg stash' fell out.

One of the officers, PC Steve Birdbrain, said:

"It's rife around ear, and its nayness to the docks an' all them Dutch blokes comin' ovver from Amsterjam are a fuckin' nuisance, art thee, Bob?"

His colleague said:

"That's Amsterdam, Steve."

Bob went on to explain how PC Birdbrain had only joined the force three weeks ago, but his enthusiasm for kicking down doors and clobbering people behind them was already paying dividends.

The arrested man, who said his name was 'Dave', refuted the police claim that the substance was crack cocaine, saying it was sugar.

But PC Birdbrain wasn't having any of that. He said:

"We'll just aftersee wot Mr. Tate and Mr. Lyle aftersay about that, my lad!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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