Ways To Remove Trump From White House After Election
Given that Donald Trump is going to lose another election - this time, not just the popular vote, but also the electoral vote - means he will no longer be able to remain in the White House. He might insist on a job as a gardener, find a bank of fi…
Read full storyDr. Billingsgate Passed Over For Bulshitzer Prize: Going To The Mattresses
BILLINGSGATE POST: Muster the goombahs and hit the mattresses! In the movie, "The Godfather", Michael Corleone went to the mattresses when trying to eradicate his enemies. His pathetic band of sociopathic goombahs gathered together in a rummy apartm…
Read full storySecond Scorpion Found In Man's Bedroom
In what is starting to seem like a regular occurence, a man has told of how he was almost attacked by a deadly black scorpion in his bedroom, as he sat reading a book. The man's bedroom, not the scorpion's. Quietly minding his own business read…
Read full storyCDC Issues Immediate Halt to Colonoscopies Due to Backdoor Corona Danger
Citing data from Johns Hopkins University, the Center for Disease Control, (CDC) announced the immediate halt to colonoscopies. According to the CDC, there is emerging evidence the notorious Covid-19, aka coronavirus, aka kung flu, is capable of ent…
Read full storyBadger-Finknottle Marriage announced
The Chutney on the Fritz Examiner today contained the happy news that local idiot Wayne Badger and Henrietta Finknottle will be getting married, after Wayne pointed out their distinctive style of spelling on dating website Firestarter.com. The non-ir…
Read full storyGovernment Admits It Doesn't Know What It's Doing
It's been a long time in coming, but the UK government finally admitted tonight, that it hasn't got a clue about what it's doing. Having muddled through the Brexit fiasco, and currently making a complete pig's ear of the Coronavirus situation, Pri…
Read full storyWatching 'Good Girls' causes manic depression and sleepless nights!
(UNEDITED) Breaking Bad was 'bad' enough, and then came Peaky Blinders, plus other Netflix addictive series. However, 'Good Girls' takes the prize for 'major addiction' with 'GG Junkies' ending up at their local 'Shrinks' in an attempt to get them 'u…
Read full storyNFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Goes Against Trump and Says He Will Not Punish Players for Kneeling During The National Anthem
NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) - The commissioner of the NFL had a meeting with President Trump, and, within two minutes, Goodell says he stormed out of the Oval Office, taking his Happy Meal with him. Goodell told ESPN-4 that, right away, Trump…
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Said She Watched the Republican National Convention and She Counted a Total of 903 Lies
WEST HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) - The former star of the Disney Channel’s “Hannah Montana” remarked to Entertainment Tonight that she decided to watch the opening night of the Republican National Convention. The convention was sponsored in part by…
Read full storyGhislaine Maxwell Says That a Prison Guard Tried to Poison Her with a Baloney Sandwich
BROOKLYN – (Satire News) - Fox News is reporting that sexual predator Ghislaine Maxwell informed them that a prison guard tried to poison her. Maxwell said that the guard brought her dinner which consisted of a baloney sandwich, some Cheetos, and…
Read full storyKimberly Guilfoyle and Boyfriend Donald Trump Jr. Caught in Some Hanky-Panky Backstage at the Republican Convention
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake News) - The Republican National Convention kicked off in D.C.’s Melonhead Auditorium with semi-fanfare. CNN’s Jake Tapper noted that he has seen more excitement at a pap smear clinic. He noted that Kimberly Guilfoyle an…
Read full storyPresident Trump Says He Has Never Had Sexual Relations with That Woman Mrs. Jerry Falwell, Jr
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - The New York Times is reporting that the first lady of Liberty University, Becki Falwell, has allegedly carried on an intimate relationship with one of her husband’s golfing buddies. The golfer, who was not named…
Read full storyNorthern Man With Flat Cap And Whippet Says He Resents Social Stereotyping
A man has said he is furious that his appearance, mannerisms, clothing and pet dog have marked him out for social stereotyping by 'southerners'. The man, Maurice Enscombe, who can regularly been seen out in the cobbled streets of Dewsbury, West Yo…
Read full storyJoe Biden: Kamala May Be Nasty, But She’s Prettier Than Alice Cooper
BILLINGSGATE POST: Beauty, like nastiness, is in the eyes of the beholder. But when you are faced with choosing one over the other, take beauty every time. Joe Biden made it absolutely clear that he would choose a woman to be his running mate. Hi…
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