Government Admits It Doesn't Know What It's Doing

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 25 August 2020

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The government's position on everything

It's been a long time in coming, but the UK government finally admitted tonight, that it hasn't got a clue about what it's doing.

Having muddled through the Brexit fiasco, and currently making a complete pig's ear of the Coronavirus situation, Prime Minister Boris Johnson came clean, and said that he and his ministers haven't got the foggiest idea about anything to do with competent governance, and that they are close to washing their hands of it, and just throwing-in the towel.

He said:

"We've been trying to put on a determined show of confidence, to trick the nation into thinking that everything is under control , but, clearly, that hasn't worked. We've now acknowledged our shortcomings. I don't know which way to turn, I honestly don't."

The Tories have stumbled from one poor decision to the next both during the Covid-19 crisis, and before it, with real nightmare handling of Brexit. They appear to be bereft of any clear ideas on how to deal with anything, no matter how straightforward.

Mr. Johnson's steadfast refusals to criticise US leader Donald Trump have shown a complete misunderstanding of feelings at home, and the PM now agrees he was wrong:

"Everything we do, goes wrong; everything we touch, turns to fæces. We make a mountain out of a mole hill, and a drama into a crisis. If I say 'yes', it should be 'no'; if I say 'no', it should be 'yes'. The government as a whole is a major catastrophe, and I really wish I could go to bed tonight, and wake up in the morning as a goatherd in Albania, or some remote location where my arrogance and incompetence might do less damage."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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